April Goals Update

I decided to do this on the last day of the month rather than tomorrow because we're planning on seeing the new Avengers, so that means I'll be doing a movie review post.  So let's see what's going on with the goals for 2019.

Goal Number One - Read at least 55 books: As you may have expected, I really haven't done any reading this month.  Having brain soup from reading 40 books in the first three months of the year has left me not feeling much like reading.  That being said, I have started a book and read about the first 10% of it.  I'm not sure if I'll read much in May, but I think I'll get another 15 books before the end of the year.  I'd be cool if I could get 100 done but that I don't think is very realistic. My reading list so far is:

Leisure Reading List (total so far 1)

1. An Absolutely Remarkable Thing, by Hank Green

Graduate Class Reading List (total so far 40)

1. Money, Trade, and Power: The Evolution of Colonial South Carolina’s Plantation Society by Jack P. Greene
2. Red Ink: Native Americans Pick up the Pen in the Colonial Period by Drew Lopenzina
3. American Colonial History: Clashing Cultures and Faiths by Thomas S. Kidd
4. Agents and Merchants: British Colonial Policy and the Origins of the American Revolution, 1763-1775 by Jack M. Sosin
5. The Revolutionary Frontier 1763-1783 by Jack M. Sosin
6. What Hath God Wrought: The Transformation of America 1815-1848 by Daniel W. Howe
7. The Dawn of Innovation: The First American Industrial Revolutionby Charles R. Morris
8. Beyond the Frontier: New Approaches to the Political History of the Early American Republic by Jeffrey L. Pasley
9. The Impending Crisis, 1848-1861by David M. Potter
10. Empire of Liberty: A History of the Early Republic, 1789-1815by Gordon S. Wood,
11. Slavery, Law, & Politics: The Dred Scott Case in Historical Perspectiveby Donald E. Fehrenbacher
12. Free Soil, Free Labor, Free Men: The Ideology of the Republican Party before the Civil Warby Eric Foner
13. Northern Men with Southern Loyalties: The Democratic Party and the Sectional Crisisby Michael T. Lanids
14. Half Slave & Half Free: The Roots of the Civil Warby Bruce Levine
15. Holy Warriors: The Abolitionists and Slaveryby James B. Stewart
16. Why the South Lost the Civil Warby Richard E. Beringer
17. Jefferson Davis: Confederate Presidentby Herman Hattaway
18. Patriot Fires: Forging a New American Nationalism in the Civil War NorthMelinda Lawson
19. Lincoln’s War: The Untold Story of America’s Greatest President as Commander in Chiefby Geoffrey Perret
20. A Great Civil War: A Military and Political History, 1861-1865by Russell F. Weigley
21. A Short History of Reconstruction, 1863-1877by Eric Foner
22. Reconstruction after the Civil Warby john H. Franklin,
23. Lincoln’s Plan of Reconstructionby William B. Hesseltine
24. In the Wake of Slavery: Civil War, Civil Rights, and the Reconstruction of Southern Lawby Joseph A. Ranney
25. The United States Army and Reconstruction, 1865-1877by James E. Sefton
26. The Great War and Urban Life in Germany by Roger Chickering
27. The Great War and Modern Memory by Paul Fussell
28. The Last Great War: British Society and the First World War by Adrian Gregory
29. The Silence of Memory: Armistice Day, 1919-1946 by Adrian Gregory
30. The Deluge: British Society and the First World War by Arthur Marwick
31. War, Law, and Labour: The munitions Acts, State Regulations, And the Unions 1915-1921 by Gerry Rubin
32. Sites of Memory, Sites of Mourning: The Great War in European Cultural History by Jay Winter
33. The Nazi Seizure of Power: The Experience of a Single German Town 1922-1945 by William Sheridan Allen
34. Nazi Germany by Jane Caplan
35. The Racial State: Germany 1933-1945 by Michael Burleigh
36. Reluctant Accomplice: A Wehrmacht Soldier’s Letters from the Eastern Front by Konrad Jarausch
37. The Hitler Myth: Image and Reality in the Third Reich by Ian Kershaw
38. Hitler’s Thirty Days to Power: January 1933 by Henry Ashby Turner Jr.
39. Model Nazi by Catherine Epstein
40. The Third Reich: A New History by Michael Burleigh

Goal Number Two - Lose 1 pounds per week: Well, I haven't really had time to do much and now that I'm done with exams I haven't exactly had the motivation to do anything.  So this hasn't been great.  Weight has maintained mostly, with some minor uptick, but I'm not concerned.  I also had some mini goals, so here's where they are at:

• Subgoal 1: Close my three rings every day.  I missed 15 days this month directly after my exams, but then rallied at the end.  That means for the year I'm 53 days so far that I haven't closed all three rings. 
• Subgoal 2: Have at least two different activity style works out each week. Obviously not a win on this one either due to the no activity really this month except some walking
• Subgoal 3: Log every meal, every day, and doing the day of.  Win on this one! I am pretty good on this one, I'm heading toward 900 days in a row on this one.
• Subgoal 4: Complete a 5k race. I don't know if I'll do one this year, but there's still time. I need to do the entire training program, but it's hard to crawl out of bed early do run.
• Subgoal 5: Keep under my calorie goal - which means avoiding snacking. It's been hit or miss on this for the month. I need to be more careful especially with snacking.

Goal Number Three - Reengage Socially: We've had a few events this month, so that's been helpful for this goal, but I don't feel like I've really "reengaged."

Goal Number Four - Landscape the backyard: We've not done anything but my goal is to get some deck quotes in May.

Goal Number Five - Be more creative: Since I've been a lazy slug this month there's nothing to report here. I've got to think about this more next month.

Goal Number Six - Improve my interpersonal relationships and skills:  I talked a bit about being more talkative and the struggles I'm having with it.  This is a loosey-goosey goal so I don't know what to say about it, but also I'm not sure what I was thinking about when I made it.

Goal Number Seven - Have Seven New Experiences:  So passing my exams and getting my master's degree was certainly a new experience, and one that I'm not really sure I'd like to repeat.  Then again, I could always get an MFA, or a degree in curriculum development.  No, that's crazy.

1. Becky and I took Sal to see Daniel Tiger Live, which was a new experience for both of us.  While the show and process had much to be desired, the excitement and engagement from Sal was splendid.
2. Jasmine got me tickets to see the Ann Arbor Symphony Orchestra, they were performing music from Harry Potter and it was fantastic!
3. Completed my exams and graduated with a 4.0 with my master's degree in history!

So that's it for the first four months of the year, I'm looking forward to having some time the rest of the year to do some stuff.

Picture(s) of the Day: 
Picture 63

Sal has completely stopped "old silly face" and only does "new silly face" and I am heart broken.  She asked me to take a picture of her doing it, and thought it was hilarious. She also thinks it's hilarious that I'm so sad that she doesn't do it anymore.

How Do You Do It?

I hear a lot of people say things about how they don't understand how someone can do something that is hard or was stressful. A lot of people would say that when Becky and I were doing our undergrad and working full time.  People would say they that they just didn't know how we did it.  Well the simple answer is that there was no alternative.  How do you do it? Easy. You have no choice. Perhaps this is just a form of compliment saying that someone is impressed with how one is able to do such difficult tasks while having so many other responsibilities. However, at the same time a lot of people don't realize that people do things that way because it was the only option available to them. They think this way because for them there were other options. They didn't have to do it that way because they had support, or other avenues to pursue what they were going after.

Related to that, I often hear people complain about things that they "can't do" but what other choice do they have?  They must continue on, they don't have the option not to. I don't see the point in crying about the things that you just "can't do" when it is something that is not optional. Like, I can't say that I just can't do it anymore when it comes to taking care of my kid because the alternative is that she starves to death, or gets sent to someone else. Obviously those are not options.  Therefore, there is no benefit to complain that I just can't do XYZ anymore when it's a requirement.

I think it also relates to the idea of self-talk, and how it is so important to be aware of the way we talk about things to ourselves. When we start to think about things as being something we can't handle anymore, I think it is only going to make those things that much worse than they would be if you just recognize that they are hard to do, but that you need to buckle down and do it anyway.  How we frame things and how we think about things influences us greatly, and if we start thinking of things in a certain way, and start talking about them in a certain way, then we start to believe that they are that way also. We should be more mindful of that when we face adversity, or struggles in our own lives.

Picture(s) of the Day: 
Picture 62

I forgot to post this photo back when I went to the concert with Jasmine, but they had a Goblet of Fire, and this lady came out to talk about each movie.  I'm not sure if her dialect was fake or not, it sounded like it could be, but then again, maybe it was real?

That Was Easy.

Ok, I'm not really all that in love with this season of Game of Thrones.  I know, I know.  How original!  Everyone seems to be not thrilled with this season.  I mean, how can we not be excited after like two years of waiting to have only six episodes, and the first one having like 10 full minutes devoted to a parade that no one gives a shit about. However, I think this week's episode is really the worst of them yet, and I think it doesn't bode well for the rest of the season. Tonight was the end of the Night King story line, and they took three episodes to build to it, which means the last three episodes will build up to the confrontation with Cersei. However, it was very slapdash, and I feel like that given that this has been the existential threat of the series having it neatly finished up in the span of a single episode was somewhat disappointing.

That being said, how they did end the Night King was great. That whole 30 seconds of the episode were fantastic and exciting. However, there didn't seem to be much of a cost associated with it. Sure there were a few named characters who didn't make it through, though it wasn't really a heartbreaking loss or anything.  Ultimately it also seemed too easy.  Yeah, lots of extras didn't make it, but there were no levels to the event, it was just an all on marathon fight.  Rather than being the kind of fight with incremental victories or losses it was more like the final portion of Titanic where the water just keeps coming and there's not really much variation. This episode was just rushing water, and was really somewhat boring if you really think about it.  Of course it was also impossible to see anything. I get that there's the whole "oh no the monster in the night" thing, but it was too much and made it a somewhat joyless experience. 

Ultimately it was a disappointing finish to years of build up, and I worry that the rest of the season si going to go down the same route.

Picture(s) of the Day: 
Picture 61

Someone was a little too "funned" out.  

Picture Perfect Memory

I've been working on scanning photos, as I have mentioned a number of times on the blog.  However, one thing that I really haven't talked about is how as the memories of these events fade, what I'm left with is instead the memory of the pictures. For example when I think about the first show that I was in, I don't necessarily remember specific things of me being in the play, but instead I remember the pictures of the play, or the video of the play.  In fact, I feel like I only have one really distinct memory of that play, and that was standing in one of the "trucks" and waiting to hear my cue to enter when called. I guess if I really think about it I can also remember that first day of blocking when it turned out that I was one of the first people to enter during the first town scene.  At the same time I do remember that at the dress rehearsal I forgot my shoes and had my regular street shoes on, but I don't remember that happening, I remember that it happened because there is a picture of me on stage wearing my Vans instead of what I was supposed to.

I wonder if this is some kind of new thing that people have been dealing with since the advent of accessible photography. How did memories work 150-200 years ago?  Would I remember the show as well if I didn't have a video to watch and remind me of what it was like?  Do I remember more but have mixed up my memories? Like, I remember Jeanette leaving signs all over the stage that read "poo gas' but was that for that first musical? Was it the spring play? Was it the musical the following year?  Would my memory be jogged if I talked about this with someone else who was there and they have pieces to the puzzle?  Is memory more a collective endeavor? In order to remember does it require discussion? 

With graduation coming up soon we are going to start the students on their speeches that we select from for the students to give at the ceremony.  Every year there are the canned "memories that will last a life time" yet most likely most of these memories will be gone at some point.  Do other people simply remember the pictures as the memories of events fade away? I guess I've become obsessed with memory lately. I don't know why, but a lot of my posts have been focused on that kind of thing.  I guess I'm just getting old.

Picture(s) of the Day: 
Picture 60

Look at these two lovely ladies!

Undependable

There are some people that the only thing that you can depend on is that they can't be depended on.  I know people that will say to expect them at an event, then five minutes before it starts they suddenly can't make it. Perhaps they think that's acceptable because they are family and they just expect you to approve of whatever they do, which I think is pretty shitty.  Or perhaps there are the people who always have the dependable excuses for why they can't do something. I get it, they're just "so busy" or they just don't have the energy to deal with... relaxing and drinking???  It really pisses me off because sometimes lack of dependability affects me because I have done something or devoted time to something only to have someone fuck off at the last minute so all that time was wasted when I could have been doing something else. It's incredibly disrespectful actually.

Somewhere along the way it became acceptable to just do whatever you want without thinking about anyone else. "You Do You" or "Self-Care" suddenly has become a "screw over other people free card." Responsibilities don't matter anymore, the only thing that matters is how you feel. As my friend would say people have anal glaucoma, because they just don't see their ass doing whatever it is that they said they were going to do. 

Really, I'm just irritated with people in general right now. I'm a flexible person, I generally am a go with the flow kind of person, and I'll readjust when people ask, however that doesn't mean that it doesn't impact me.  People seem to think that just because you are a forgiving and flexible person that it somehow does not in any way bother you.  They think that you will just "understand" and that's enough.  At times it also seems like if you are like that and complain somehow you're being an asshole because you're pissed off that things were disrupted.

I'm just vague posting here because I'm annoyed in general about a number of things. . 

Picture(s) of the Day: 
Picture 59

With the weather getting nicer it means that we get to spend some time out on the playground.  Remember when going to the park was the best thing ever?

Traveler's Block

I've been suffering a case of Traveler's Block lately. I'm not sure what the issue is, but I just haven't been super excited about travel in the way that I used to be.  I think part of it has to do with me feeling like a penny pincher lately and not wanting to spend money, and travel can be expensive.  I think part of it is that we don't have the same group of travelers that we used to have, and finally I think that part of it is that we just haven't gone anywhere in a while so I feel out of practice on it. Perhaps actually planning and going on a trip will help, but finding the inspiration and excitement to travel isn't really helpful in that situation.

I think a lot of it has to do with my spending aversion that I've had lately.  There are a lot of projects that I want to get done, the most pressing to get a deck on the back of our house, which is going to be very costly. However, we also have some repairs that need to be done around the gutter area of the house.  We also want to do some renovation of the guest bathroom and then move Sal into using that bathroom instead of ours (I'm really tired of knocking over her stuff every time I get in and out of the shower).  Not to mention that our carpet is ten years old, and was bargain basement when we purchased it. It's really showing its age and is in great need of replacement, especially those areas that our bastard ass dogs have destroyed on the landing, in the living room, and at the door to our bedroom. We also don't want Sal going to the school district we live in, so the thought of moving is coming fast down the road since she's starting school in only about a year.

I think I also feel out of practice.  We haven't taken a real trip in about two years, which is a long time considering how often we'd travel in the past.  It now seems like such a disruption to have to leave the house, find someone to watch the dogs, plan everything, and find something to do that would be enjoyable to us, and a four year old.  Traveling with a tiny kid can be challenging because things that adults want to do isn't always the same as things that a little kid is willing to do.  High costs and the inconvenience of it all seems totally not worth the travel.   Plus, we used to have some good travel buddies, but we don't really have that anymore.  For me, a lot of the draw of travel is to share the experience with people who are excited to do things, and I enjoyed going with diverse groups that pushed me to go to places that I wouldn't necessarily have gone if it were just me going.  One example of this is going to the Andy Warhol museum. This wasn't art that I find all that interesting, but I appreciate that we went to it, and there were some good stories that we got out of the trip and the share experience of it all.

Ultimately, travel just seems like a hassle now.  Maybe if I can go some places I'll feel differently about it, but I doubt it.

Picture(s) of the Day: 
Picture 58

Someone got a new bike, and is learning how to ride it. She struggled at first to get the pedaling down, and when she's at a stop she really can't get it going too well. However, for her first ride we made it all the way to the playground near the house.

Let It Be Writ Down!

As I think about it, I think another reason to blog is more than just processing thoughts, but also logging what is going on with my life.  Memory is sadly unreliable, and the more time that passes the less we remember about what is going on.  When I think back on memories there are a lot of things that are just gone, which makes me feel like an alzheimer's patient. The things I remember are those memories that I have taken the time to think about, while other things that I haven't bothers are seemingly lost.

While this is true of things from quite some time ago, they are also things that are gone from more recent. I've had students ask me about things that happened in class that I have no memory of, and that's only been the past nine months or so since the school year began.  Memory is selective, because we make the choice what we decide to remember, not necessarily on purpose, but simply because that's what we have thought on and focused on, for the most part.  Though, there are times that things can come up that we've forgotten about.  One example is that a few years ago we took a trip out to New England, and on the way we stopped off in my Grandpa's home town. I hadn't been there since I was about 4 or 5 years old for a funeral.  As we were driving around the town we passed a place my Great Grandma used to work, and as I looked at it I had a sudden strong memory of being in that restaurant.  Neither my grandma or my mom can recall us going in there, but they said they don't really remember much of the visit.  I too hadn't remembered much until I saw the place.  Though perhaps that is still in there because it's from some of the first memories that I recall having.

I imagine if I go back to the start of this blog and start reading I will be reminded of a lot of things that I forgot about. Perhaps now it's easier to record events with easier tech through cameras on our phones, and the internet. So I guess this is also a good record of events for my feeble memory.

Picture(s) of the Day: 
Picture 57

After recording a podcast Jeff and I also had some fun with the Snapchat filters. I said this should be our cover photo for the pod.

Thought Processing

I need to blog more, I've been out of the habit due to all the work that I've been doing.  Since writing again I've found that it's helpful to get these thoughts out of my head and allows me a way to process all the extra things that are going on in my brain.  I have a lot of thoughts that go on in my brain and most of them are stupid and worthless, rather throwaway sort of stuff.  I mean, is there anyone that I really need to talk to about how we tell kids to follow their dreams? Do I need to complain about my dog to anyone else? No, no one really cares about those things.  I think it's kind of like Dumbledore and the pensieve, takes some stuff out that doesn't need to be there.  I mean, why write? I don't say anything of value here and no one reads this thing except like my wife and honorary mom.  Though knowing that I do use it to discuss things that maybe I want to share but don't necessarily want to talk about and it's easier to write it than to say it.

That brings up an interesting idea that I heard recently on one of the podcasts that I listen to.  I know that I haven't been chatty much in recent history. I don't have much to say or feel like I want to talk about much of anything.  Someone wrote in for advice and the advices that the podcast gave was that they should just talk to the person that they were having trouble with. I don't know what the issue that they were having or why they couldn't talk about it, but that was the advice.  The hosts then got into a conversation about how when you've gone for a long time without talking that it becomes really hard to start talking again because you have not done it in so long that you're out of practice.  I think from all the reading and business and then the drama that happened, that kind of happened to me. I have a hard time starting conversations. It's not that I don't necessarily want to be friendly, it just seems like a lot of effort and that can feel exhausting. It's hard to break that cycle and work up the energy to actually talk.

So I guess that's why I write this blog.

Picture(s) of the Day: 
Picture 56

We don't celebrate Easter, but Sal wanted to do eggs, so we did eggs.

Maybe Don't Follow Your Dreams?

I just graduated with my master's degree in history, something that I don't think I conceived of as a possibility when I graduated high school 20 years ago. I write this thing as a stream of consciousness style, so I wasn't really thinking about the fact that it's been nearly 20 years since high school, and so that was a nice mind fuck.  However, thinking about graduating and the graduation season coming up it makes me think of the general platitudes that come with the season. The whole idea of the next chapter coming, how you've met the best people and formed friends and collected memories that you'll never forget.  This is true to an extent.  There are some friends that I have now that I've had since then. In fact, some of my most trusted friendships come from that time.  Of course we also all have plenty of memories from that time period, but it's also not the most important things that we've ever done, and we've gone on to do all sorts of other things, many of which we didn't necessarily imagine that we'd be doing now that we have had 20 years of time between us.

The one thing that tends to come up at times like this is the idea that students should "follow their dreams." Find your passion and you'll never work a day in your life. Do something you love and you'll be happy to get up to do your work every day.  It suggests that if you're doing what you wanted to do with your life then it'll just naturally and easily fall into place.  That you'll never have days where you hate what you're doing, or that you'll be unhappy doing what you always wanted to do.  I think that is setting unrealistic expectations.  You can be doing what you always wanted and yet it's still a struggle. You can have the "job of your dreams" and still want to not do it.  I love my job, I love my career, and I don't think there's much else that I'd rather do.  However, at the same time it's about six or seven weeks from the end of the school year and that is a challenging and frustrating period of time that makes you maybe not want to do it.  Or you have those days where you feel like you're not really doing anything of value and wonder what the point of it is.

I'm also not sure that following your dreams is really good advice. People have lots of dreams, but that doesn't really mean that it's a good idea.  Twenty years ago I had all sorts of crazy dreams, and lots of them would be terrible ideas, like having a restaurant, or going into theatre, or having a bed and breakfast.  These are not things that I would be happy doing now, nor would they have been realistic courses that would put me in a good place now.  If I had just "followed my dreams" at a time when I really had no good ideas about what I wanted to do or where I wanted my life to go would mean a rough path that wasn't going to take me anywhere stable.  I think there's a similar idea when it comes to dating and marriage.  We idealize the whole thing and say things like "follow your heart" but sometimes your heart isn't smart.  There are billions of people in the world, and you can find someone who will make your heart happy but also be a good match.  You can love people and also not be a good match with someone.  You could end up with someone that holds you back from what you want with your life and the kind of person you want to be.  You can love someone, and think they are a good person but also not be a good match for them.  I mean, I could love someone who wants to travel and move around all the place, but that would be a terrible match for me because that isn't what I wanted my life to be like.  That kind of thing breeds resentment and regret, and before you know it you're in a complicated life that you can't really get out of.

So, I don't know that we should tell kids to follow their dreams or listen to their hearts.  Instead, use your head. Think about the kind of life you want and then work from there.  Do you want a life where you can travel, where you have some level of stability, do you want the house and kids? If so then do the things that will get you to that goal.  Do you have something that you're passionate about? Ok, fine, but find a way to make it sustainable.  Be more organized and plan some. I know that is something that's really hard for younger people, to think about being 40 when it's further away than all the years that they've lived, but perhaps part of that is because of how we treat them and the things we tell them. I'm not saying settle, but I am saying think more about what you want and determine if your dream is really something that you want your life to be. Plan it, don't float through life.

As a disclaimer, none of this is about me or anyone specific.  I'm not sitting here 20 years out regretting my choices in general. I had the opposite issue where I was told to do the practical thing rather than the thing I wanted, and it delayed my by like six years. I mean, I was scolded for quitting Ford, and it still comes up 19 years after quitting. I'm happy with my choices and where I'm at, I just wish we'd be more thoughtful of what we say to younger people.

Picture(s) of the Day: 
Picture 55

Since I was talking about dreams and young people, I thought that perhaps a picture of young people who still had dreams would be appropriate. Plus, this was nearly 20 years ago.  Ugh. I've lived more life since this picture was taken than I lived before this picture was taken. 

I'm All Alone

Sometimes reality seems one way, but feels a completely different way. Every week we have a family dinner that consists of seven of us.  When I got out of school for the semester we had a big event where people came over to have some fun since I'd been basically in blackout mode with all the reading that was going on in prep for the exam.  Birthday parties are usually pretty busy, summer camp fires are well attended, and so it seems like there area always people around.  However, at the same time I tend to feel very isolated. I often feel very much like an island apart from everything.  Lonely, and alone. 

Looking at events and picture and all those kinds of things one would probably argue that it isn't the reality of the situation.  However, perhaps that is the worst kind of solitude, the type where there are people all around and yet being alone.  People do show up for events, and I'm sure they care, and yet outside of those events I go about my days usually having no interactions with people who don't live in my house or are at my school. I have more conversations with friggin' 8th graders than I do with adults, and most of those conversations revolve around the concept of, "what are you supposed to be doing right now?" 

I also feel distance with people who I didn't always feel distance from.  People may argue that this kind of thing is just in my head, and that it's a two way street, blah blah blah, etc. etc. etc.  However, it's not.  I notice things, and I tend to be attuned to the vibes that people are putting off even when they're trying not to.  These vibes make me feel like I'm a burden, or that I'm being humored out of obligation.  I don't feel connections, but rather feel listless as a boat floating lost at sea.

I think a lot of that comes out of the family that I have. You get a lot of practice hearing people say that they're just so busy and that they care but then really not. I have a very uninvolved family that doesn't really care what you're doing. They like to pop in when they feel like or have something going on with them that they want to talk about, but don't really care what is going on with you. They ask no questions, or the questions they do ask are surface questions. It just allows you to read people pretty well because of all the experience doing it.

Really I'm probably just whining about nothing because I don't have anything to do.  To leave it on a lighter note, I present Spamalot.

Picture(s) of the Day: 

Picture 54

So this is a few weeks old, but for Christmas Jasmine got me tickets to see the Ann Arbor Symphony Orchestra perform the music of Harry Potter. It was an excellent show, and a nice new experience for my goals. 

Bastard Ass Dog

Luna I believe is the most destructive dog that we have ever had.  Back when we got Sam, he chewed a lot. In fact, the first Christmas that we had him he grabbed nearly all the gifts from under the tree and chewed them apart.  It was a couple hundred dollars worth of gifts that he destroyed. He also licked his way through the door of the bathroom, which was pretty impressive. I mean, who licks their way through wood? It's one of the remembered events in the life of Sam because it was such a large price tag of destruction.  However, Luna has far surpassed that price tag, and it's completely outrageous. She's scratched up the bed frame from trying to jump up on it. She's chewed up countless little toys of Sal's which is no big deal since they're cheap and plastic. However, the big ticket has been the wool rug that she chewed a hole in. And not like the edge of the rug or a corner, but a good deal in right like she's drilling down.

However, she really took the cake because she threw her absurdly hard bone int he air, which then hit the tv, and cracked the screen. There are now colored lines going across the bottom of the screen and from top to bottom at the point where the bone hit it.  I think if I calculate the replacement cost for all the things that she's destroyed it would be over $5000.  I don't know if she's worth that.

Picture(s) of the Day: 
Picture 53

Is she cute enough not to chuck into space?

Responsibility

Someone on the internet was complaining about how the male teacher of their kid was not helpful enough in making sure students get things home. They felt that the teacher should do more to ensure items that are supposed to get home actually make it there. There was the implication that a female teacher, a mom, would have done more. I don't know if that's really all that accurate, and it suggests that women are better, or more nurturing, and also kind of implies that they would be better teachers. At the same time, I know that I personally expect that my students have some sort of responsibility for themselves and I don't do everything for them. It seems to me that the only way that people will ever learn and grow is if they are given the chance to, and expected to do so.

If you hold what this person said as true, that the problem is that the male teacher doesn't do that, then it seems to me that we need more male teachers.  Many of the students I get tell me that in the 7th grade I am the first male teacher. At the same time, many don't seem to know how to do anything for themselves. Do I think this is because they didn't have male teachers? No.  I think much of it is because they are kids and they aren't the most responsible. But why is it that they aren't responsible? It's because we don't ask them to be, we don't expect them to be, and we solve all their problems. The number of things that students get frustrated with me about that are because I don't just solve their problem is crazy.  Mr. Berry, what time is it? So I point to the clock and they get annoyed. Mr. Berry, what pages is this on? So I tell them the chapter and that they need to look at the Table of Contents. Mr. Berry I can't find this. So I ask if they actually read it or if they just skimmed just trying to find what they think might be an answer, and it clearly is that they didn't really read.

At the same time, it's not like I don't know where this comes from. I have parents who complain that they didn't know something, but I sent home a letter that they "didn't have time to read." Or they complain that they didn't know that their kids were failing, despite having 24/7 access, despite getting missing assignment reports. Suddenly it's a shock. Perhaps they expect that I will show up at their houses and read the grade book to them like a bedtime story.  It's rather absurd really, but it makes sense that the kids don't do anything without being spoon fed it when that's the example they are getting. If we want adults that do for themselves and be self-sufficient then we need to teach them to do that, and hands on experience is the best way to do that. It's the long game.

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This is what Sal calls "silly face" however, she's started doing a new silly face where she crosses her eyes and she's doing this one less.  This is literally one of my favorite things ever and I'm so sad that she's not really doing it anymore.

Low Pressure System

So, yesterday I got the great news that I passed the exams and that took a lot of pressure off of things. This week we also had conferences, and so yesterday and today was me running around trying to contact all the parents who didn't bother to contact me to let me know about conferences. I mean, I feel like if their parents don't care enough to contact me, why should I keep going out of my way to try and contact them. I shouldn't care more than these students and their parents about how they are doing. The problem is that I am required to meet with 100% of my homeroom students. It's a lot of time wasted looking up phone numbers and leaving messages because none of them answer the phones or call/e-mail me back.

However, all of that is now behind and the pressure is off.  This is the part of the year where we are in the downhill coast to the end. I'm not one to really count down the days, however I'm good at calendars and math, and therefore I always know the days. It's also a lot easier than listening as people try to figure out the time. I also have to know because I have a lot of material to still get through and as I try to plan out what's left in the time I have it's sadly not enough. I've got to put the thing in superdrive to be sure we get through everything. With only 39 days left, and the last 10 or so are a wash means that there isn't much left. And to be fair, I only see each grade every other day, so really we're talking around 20 days per grade left.  That's nothing.

But for now, I get to enjoy the low pressure climate that I get now that conferences are over, I'm graduating soon, and things are quieting down. It's a great time of year.

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Since it was a half day I was able to pick Sal up early and we got to go home and "DO SCIECE!" She wanted to break out her science kit last night but it was almost bed time so she had to wait for today. It was the first thing she said when I picked her up.

I Passed!

So, I know the title is a real spoiler, but I got an e-mail finally from my graduate advisor telling me that he was pleased to inform me that I passed the exams. That means in a week and a half I officially graduate with my masters degree in history.  I got no specific feedback from any of the professors who read my work. I didn't hear what they thought of my papers, or the papers back with feedback. I don't know if they actually read them, though they took two weeks and I feel like if they weren't going to read it then they would have just told me much sooner.

As I've said a few times, I did not expect to pass at all. The process was so terrible, the guidelines were vague, and the feedback to questions was nonexistent.  People kept saying they were sure I was going to pass, but I did not feel that I would, and I don't feel that the work I did was all that great, but I don't know how anyone does a great job in those circumstances. However, I'm glad that it's over and I don't have to think about it ever again. I also like that perhaps I don't have to worry about school at all again.  The process really made me almost hate history, and wonder what the point of it is at all. This is especially troubling given that I teach history. 

So, after three years of school I'm finished, and this is all in the rearview.  I can finally relax and detox from the years of stress. 

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I guess I can now officially wear this and have the evidence to prove it.

The American Dream?

For a while now as a Democrat, liberal, and progressive I've been pissed at the way that the Republican Party has seemed to feel they hold a monopoly on the ideas of American values. They've been pretty effective at it too, casting themselves as the party of a strong patriotic belief in America, that they are the defenders of American values, and the Democrats are not. They demonize Democrats in a way that I think is pretty unfair. Sure, the liberal side of things often cast Republicans as either rich asshole or hillbilly "real Americans." Though, that in no way attacks them based on their dedication to the country and the values that it represents.  Also to be fair, the Democrats or liberals in general can make some of the things they say easier. But that is true on either side of the political divide because you get people who play the stereotype on both side of things.  That is probably why stereotypes are formed to begin with.

There is already a large field for the democratic field, and I haven't yet decided who I plan to support, since it is still very early. I was an earlier supporter of Bernie Sanders, but after the last election and how things unfolded, it really soured my view of him.  Obviously if he is the nominee I will support him, I'm just not throwing my support behind him right now.  My interest has been grabbed right now by Mayor Pete Buttigie.  Again, it's still way too early to say I'm supporting anyone as they haven't even debated or put what they're thinking out there much yet. However, in some of his appearances he has had a few things to say that I think are what we need to hear right now.  One, he's going out into the Fox universe where you don't usually hear Democrats.  Likewise, he's also addressing the idea of American values and has addressed the idea that Democrats have let Republicans frame the conversation on values. We can't let them do that and we have to give our alternative.  He said that Republicans like to talk about how government regulations hurt freedom, and how as Democrats we can argue that not having stable health care hurts freedom also.  We can make strong arguments based on values and make sure that Republicans stop framing us in the same way that they have been.  We can use our shared American values to explain our policy. It's something that I don't think we've done as a party effectively for some time now.

I don't know who I'll end up supporting by the time we get to the primaries in less than a year.  There are good candidates out there.  I've been a fan of Warren for a while now, Mayor Pete seems like he could be an option, though when I first heard his name I totally wrote him off.  There are some senators that could be good options too. I want to hear them more, hear what they have to say in terms of policy, and hear them debate before I throw my support behind anyone. I think it's off to a good start and I think there are some good options. It's going to be an interesting race.

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Someone got in trouble and just sat around pouting about it. What a little cry baby.

What Did You Do, Frollo?

Today as my final class of the day was working Becky sent me a text saying that Notre Dame was on fire. Of course I immediately checked the news to see what was going on, and started live streaming the news. My students were pretty interested in what was going on so I put the streaming up on the projector so they could see what was going on, and we watched at the flames took down the spire and engulfed the roof. Watching it happen was pretty heartbreaking, thinking about all the history and art that was being destroyed. Listening to some of the experts talk they mentioned that because the vault (ceilings) are made of stone that it's possible the damage could be contained and that the damage might not be as bad as it would seem seeing the fire. They did say that fire fighters were were working to save the historic relics and art, and that much of it had been saved.

On our tour of Europe we ended up in a lot of churches and cathedrals, and of them Notre Dame was probably the most beautiful. The stained glass was amazing, the art was beautiful, and it was just the most gorgeous building. We sat through most of mass, not because we are in any way catholic, but it was just such a historic building, and a good part of it was that I was really hoping to hear the organ play. It turns out while we were there they were refurbishing the organ so I didn't get to hear it, however it was still an experience to be in the building surrounded by nearly a thousand years of history.  Hopefully the fire is less damaging than it appears from the video because it looks like it was horrible.

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One of my students got me this as a gift. Actually, this student has done such a 180 from last year and now is by far the best student in her class, but also moved from one of the worst in the entire grade to one of the top.

Winter Is Here

Now that most of my time is free again, I've been working on catching up on all the television that we missed. It's started to seem kind of like a task on the to do list, but not in a bad way. We've caught up on just about everything except the 13 episodes of The Black List, and then 13 episodes of The Magicians. There's also new shows taping, but a number of things that we were taping seem to be over for the season.  We've still got some Black List and Magicians taping right now, same for Fresh Off The Boat, The Kids Are Alright, and a few others.

But the big news is that tonight was the return of Game of Thrones after like nearly two years off. I was a bit disappointed because I thought that each episodes was supposed to be like 90 minute events, and this was just a single hour episode. Even worse, after the first 9 minutes of the episode they were still just following a friggin' parade. Nothing really had happened. I guess there was some sort of throw back to the very first episode where there was a similar parade or something. It seems like there was a lot of set up for the episode setting people in places but not all that much happened with exception of Jon Snow's secret identity being addressed --- well, sort of.

I'm glad that its back, but the last five episodes better kick it up. I kind of have a theory that they're just going to kill everyone and that will be the end. It seems unlikely that they could solve some of these issues in any way other than death. Guess we'll find out in like five episodes.

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While it may be winter in Westeros, it's spring here.  Last year I got some peony from my sister-in-law's house that she bought. She was planning on just killing them all, and instead I saved them and transplanted them to our house. Today I noticed that they had sprouted and survived. I actually have no idea what variety they are or what color they are since I got them late in the season after they already had bloomed. I guess I'll find out in like six weeks or so.

Garden Season

It's getting to be spring and time to think about gardening. I've enjoyed the garden we've done, and Sal has really liked it too. I haven't had the best results as I've done them. Last year was a bit of a disaster, we didn't get any corn or beans. Well we did get some beans that were volunteers that popped up from the previous year. We've also had trouble with the peas, they just don't seem to turn out quite the right way. Like, we plant snow peas, or sugar snap peas, and instead we just get regular peas, which is dumb.  I've also had absolutely no luck with pumpkins. It always seems like the plants are doing just great, and then suddenly they just die.  About the only thing that actually works out really well are zucchini, which always go bananas, and are totally delicious.  The tomatoes usually do well too, but I can't usually eat them fast enough.

My grandma asked me the other day if I planned to do a garden again this year. I hadn't thought about it too much and I'm not sure if I plan to do one this year.  It takes a lot of water, and I don't want to cost my grandma extra money to do it.  I also mentioned that I wasn't sure if I should plan on it because she's been talking about moving a lot lately. I mean, it's not the greatest house, she's always got quite a mess if it rains too much because the patio doesn't drain fast enough. She's talked about how it's a lot to keep up and she doesn't know if she can do it anymore. It is a lot of land that has trees, and branches, and all sorts of things. A few years ago she almost move out of the place and purchased a condo. She really didn't seem to want to do that but her oldest son was pushing it really hard. I found that super annoying because he just shows up after being out of the picture forever and then comes in and starts pushing these things out of nowhere.

When that happened it really hit me hard. My grandma has lived in her same house for my entire life, and it was the one stable location. Her house was a constant that even until now has really never changed much. It was upsetting to think that suddenly that was going to be different. It probably contains the most memories from my childhood. There's also a physical aspect of the house that once it's gone will disconnect it. My great grandma lived there as well, and the thing is that the room she used to live in had a distinct smell due to some of her belongings. Perhaps kind of like a fake rose smell or something. However, the bedroom closest in that room still smells like that. She died 25 years ago, but when I open that door the smell is still there exactly as it was back then. I know eventually the house will be gone, but also I'm not sure I'm ready to lose those connections to memories.

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Just having some good time together getting some breakfast the other day.

No! No! No! Joseph

Last week we went out to see some community theater, which was really just because Becky and Eric knew some people who were in the show. To say it was a hot mess would be a vast understatement. I hadn't seen anything from this theatre, and the location was pretty nice. The usher we had was a total jackass, and we somehow accidentally got tickets that were in handicapped seats, but luckily there were additional seats and we were able to get them moved. That was probably the highlight of the show. The show was Joseph and the Amazing Technicolored Dream Coat. I have fond memories of this one because it was constantly on the loop tape when I worked at Store of Knowledge.  However, this was no Donny Osmond.  The guy playing Joseph had all the charisma of a used condom. I'm not entirely sure why they cast him, unless it was simply a lack of other options. The girl playing the narrator had a decent voice, but she was also a theatre major so that's helpful. However, the whole thing was just meh.

Some of the issues were that you really shouldn't do giant dance numbers when you can't do giant dance numbers. Also, maybe listen to the lyrics because sometimes they give you your blocking. It's been a really long time since I've seen a play that terrible. The other issue that seemed to plague the show was that no one seemed to understand the show or what it was doing. Like they vaguely got it, for example they knew that Elvis was the inspiration for Pharaoh, but no one bothered to use that inspiration properly. The first thing I would do if is to look up videos to get a good handle on what the frig Elvis was like. There were some other choices that didn't make sense either, I mean should a father have a son who is clearly older than him?

We never go to theatre anymore, and it's kind of fun to see some stuff again, even when it's terrible. Though perhaps especially when it's terrible so that you can sit in a restaurant and talk shit about it.

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The theatre had all these works of art by the same artist. I found this one really amusing, but unfortunately the glare from the light really obscured the painting. I called it "The Spark Is Gone" and the face on the two clearly is not happy. It really amused me.

It's Been...

So, the professor said last week that it'd be one week until I heard about how I did on the exam. Or I guess he said it was about a week, not exactly a week. Well, it's been a week and I still haven't heard anything. I'm not overly worried because I decided that I'm done regardless of how this all turns out. I'm also so thrilled not to be reading that I haven't really thought too much about it.  Though, I feel that it doesn't really bode well for the whole passing of things. Like, what's taking so long?

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We've been practicing with keeping Luna out at night, but when I came downstairs Luna wasn't jumping around trying to climb up my butt. Instead I heard whimpering. When I got downstairs this is what I found. Somehow she managed to get onto the table but could not find a way off it.

Movie Trends

It seems to me that the trend of comic book movies seems to be winding down. We've got Captain Marvel, there's another Avengers movie coming soon, and there's another Spiderman coming at some point, and probably a Black Panther 2, not to mention the the new X-Men this summer. However it seems like they're running out of things to make movies on. All the major franchises seem to be running their course and that means that the only things left aren't going to be all that exciting. It just feels like the reign of comic book movies is coming to an end. So I kind of wonder what the movie trends are going to be? There have been a few different phases of movies, for example westerns, scifi, fantasy, and right now it's comic books. This kind of makes me wonder what will be the next big movie genre that we're going to get a bunch of movies about.  I mean, obviously there's always a mixture of movies, like, right now comic books are big but we're still getting things like Star Wars, or the western last year Buster Scruggs.

On the other hand, maybe I'm just not into where the movies have gone and they're still just as popular? I think once they had Shield destroyed that's when I really started to lose some interest but then also with the election of the orange shitbag it all became a little too close to home. Shield was suppose to protect things, and then it was torn down and destroyed. It seems to be similar how our institutions have been undermined and torn down. I don't love that. I'm sick of the messiness, the distrust, the lack of something to trust and believe in. We need things we can believe in, and that stand for things we value. These movies aren't fun if they're just like real life.

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Sal has developed a new silly face, which is really different from her old silly face. 

Vacation

I think I really could use a vacation. After having spent the last four years working on the graduate degree, and working my ass off on it, it'd be nice to take a good vacation. We also didn't have a vacation because Becky got a new job and didn't really have the vacation time for us to go anywhere.  Therefore, it's been about two years since we've had a vacation.  For our vacation budget we decided to put all our bonus and tax return money toward vacations, so we have a nice budget for it this year, the problem is that I don't know what we should do. Part of me feels like we need to plan two trips, one for adults and one with Sal.  Though I also wonder if we should take some of the cash and use it for some home improvements instead of just going on some trips.

I also haven't yet found the drive to start looking into vacations. I like traveling, but I also sometimes find it a nuisance because we have to find someone to watch the dogs, and make arrangements for Sal, or find things that Sal will be ok with, plus she gets cranky and doesn't always want to do the things that adults may be interested in.  It also becomes so much more expensive when there are more people. So ultimately, I want to go somewhere but I don't know where, when, or what.  Blerg. 

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Today my students took the PSAT, and I had to cover all the posters and things on my wall. Basically if it was writing I had to cover it.  Because I'll go to great lengths to be funny, I decided that because the clock said "Office Depot" and "Quartz" I needed to cover those too. My dean thought it was pretty funny when I sent her a picture of it.

I Had ONE JOB!

Happy Monday, everyone. I mean that sincerely.

So, today was the first day back from spring break, but given the time out of school the students weren't the worst things that have every emerged from the depths of hell. Just your standard run of the mill demons.  Today was their prep day because tomorrow we start the state testing period, which we start with the PSAT.  I think this is actually going to turn out to be better than we thing because it's timed.  The MSTEP that we've done in the past they have as much time as they need, and some of that use way too much time, while others take up time so they don't have to do other things like go to class.  MSTEP testing just drags on for ages, while this is going to just be a one and done.  We still have to do an MSTEP on Science and Social Studies later in the week, but theoretically that shouldn't be too long because each one is like 50 questions or something like that.

The other reason that I'm thrilled about work is that for the firs time ever, teaching is the only job that I have from now on.  Ever since I got my full time permanent teaching job I have also been taking grad classes so I have always had this other set of requirements and work that I've had to try to juggle for most of the year. I mean, every year I've had May and June as my only job, but this time it's permanent (assuming that I pass my exam, which I am not at all confident of).  I feel like this is going to make me a better teacher because I'm not going to have all that extra stress, nor will I have the heavy demand on my time so that I don't find myself constantly too exhausted to operate.  The last week before the exams I felt like a puppet who had all but one string cut so I could barely move. I just felt limp and terrible. Utterly exhausted. At the same time I'm sure my students are going to hate it because they already think I'm a bit too "extra" about things, and now I'll have so much more energy to be "extra" and on them for getting their work and things done.

That also meant that today I got to come home and just unwind.  We've been working on clearing off all the backlog stuff that's been recording for months.  Our TiVo was nearly 70% filled, and we've been able to knock down a good portion of that.  It's weird but it almost becomes like a to-do list sort of thing like the other household work. Like, I gotta do the laundry, iron stuff, clean the cat box, clear off 70 hours of programming off the TiVo, make a grocery list, and then get to bed.  I want to get it back down to nothing backlogged, but also I know that within a few days I'm going to be totally bored with all the television.  I can already feel it creeping in, especially since I have like a dozen episodes of the Magicians.

It's nice to have only one thing to focus on. I've been percolating some ideas for revamping my classes. If I can do that over the summer then I can have lesson plans in place so that I don't have to worry about much of anything during the school year other than grading.  It's very freeing to just have to work without anything else to worry about.

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Luna just wants to cuddle. The problem is that she never feels like she is close enough to you no matter how close she is to you.  I think she'd be totally happy to like climb up your butt with only her head sticking out. Even that may not be close enough.

Movie Review: Captain Marvel

Ok, I know this sounds crazy, but today Becky and I went to see a movie!  I know, that's insane! Two movies in the same weekend? No, no, we didn't win the lottery.  So, Sal went to have a play day with grandma and so we used the opportunity to get to a movie, which is usually what we do in such situations.  It's been a while since we've seen a movie so we decided to catch Captain Marvel since she appears in the Avengers movie that is coming out later this month. Again, we ended up at a different theatre than we usually go to, and this time went to the Emagine in Saline.  Everyone says that's the good one because it has the luxury leather recliners, however Rave/Showcase/Cinemark/whatever it's called these days (I still call it Showcase) put these in a while back so it's about the same.  However, this one serves booze and delivers food apparently.  We went to see the first showing of the day at like 9:00, so there was no booze or food for use.

So, Captain Marvel is your standard Marvel super hero movie. It is connected to all the others in the shared universe, so this one included Nick Fury as one of the main characters, and also featured Agent Coulson, though both are younger (it's set in the 90s), so they aren't in charge of anything.  It's also your typical I-have-no-memory, sort of movie where you know there are important parts missing, thought it's not really hidden all that well given what you already know about the universe from other movies.  It was a decent action movie, it added some unnecessary back story that perhaps will become important later, or was just fun (like, why do Fury have an eye patch?).  I thought it was enjoyable enough so it's worth it if you're a Marvel fan and like a good action movie with not much substance to it.  There were a few things that kind of stuck out though, for one, Marvel had a "best friend" who had a kid that called her Aunt whatever. Like, were they trying to hit at a relationship between the two women? I felt like there were times where they were but they didn't really establish what was going on. This really doesn't play much into the plot, however they seemed to be bringing it up but then didn't make it clear. Was this something that was in there but got cut for time, or for fear of an uproar (we know how fanboys can get).  I think my point is, don't dance around it, just friggin' do it, or don't, whatever. Like I said it didn't vary the plot any so it was inconsequential int he story telling portion of the plot. However, it could be important in the form of inclusion and representation. I'm just saying if you're going to bring it up and hint at it then just embrace it and stop with the ambiguity.

So, overall I thought it was a decent movie, good action, better than some of the Marvel stuff, so I'd give it a solid Matinee Price rating. Plus, it could be important when it comes to the next Avengers movie. Though, I'm not breathlessly awaiting that one since the alien storyline and the civil war aspect of the Avengers doesn't really drive my interest. I'll go see it but I just haven't loved the direction that everything went. Perhaps I'll expand on that in a future blog.

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I told Jeff that this should be our profile picture for the podcast.  Thanks, SnapChat for the filter fun.

Movie Review: Wonder Park

Yesterday on our family outing we decided to talk Sal to see a movie.  She really loves going to movies, which is a bonus for me because Becky and I are real big movie people. It's great that Sal is too because that means we can go see movies and have something in common as she gets older.  We ended up going to Quality 16 up on Jackson Road, which is not somewhere we usually go because it's smaller, farther away, and has fewer theaters.  However, since we were already in Ann Arbor to be at the Hands On Museum, it was closer and had an earlier showing and decided to go there instead of our usual spot.  Since it was the middle of a Friday they had the concession stand doing all the work, so you bought tickets and concessions at the same time.  I think this is a terrible idea because when you pay separately you don't get hit with a huge price tag the same way. Instead, you pay for your tickets, then for your food, so you don't think about it as much.  Instead, I was suddenly like "HOLY ASS GOBLINS! $40 TO SEE A MOVIE!" But we don't really go often, and I do have a line in our budget for outings, and another one specifically for movies, so it's all good.

There were a few things out that would be Sal friendly, and the one I was most interested in was How To Train Your Dragon 2.  However, Sal's grandma already took her to see that one, so instead we ended up at Wonder Park. The basic story is that a girl and her mom create an imaginary park, the girl's mom becomes sick, the girl turns away from the park only to find out that somehow it's real and she's found her way to it.  She has to overcome an obstacle which is the manifestation of her fear about her mother.  Along the way she finds some of the characters she invented that run her park, who help her along on her journey.  I think my favorite was the porcupine, who is voiced by John Oliver.  I thought it was a cute movie, though nothing that I feel I need to own, or anything that Sal would probably watch again.  She seemed to enjoy it, but not in the way that she has enjoyed other movies.  The movie has good voice actors, a fun story, and is family friendly. I'd say if you like animated movies then catch it on Netflix when it comes out, it's worth a watch for something new (especially if you have kids who watch the same damn thing all the time).

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Play Doh is very serious business!

Free At Last!

With only one day left of spring break, I finally got some time to just do nothing, and it was fantastic.  Sal got to stay home with me, and because Becky only works a half day on Fridays that meant that we could go on some adventures.  First we went to the hands on museum and spent only about an hour there. It was completely bonkers, with way too many kids there.  Sal had fun, but she gets kind of standoffish when there are a lot of kids around. She eventually decided it was time to go so we headed out and then decided to hit a movie too. What a busy day! 

It was nice to finally have time when I didn't have to be chained to a book trying to furiously read under a terrible deadline.  I kind of wondered if, under my theory that they don't actually read these things and instead they just pass you along once it's done, I would hear from my advisor to say that I had passed or failed.  However, I didn't hear anything from him, and he did say it could be a week before I hear anything.  One professor says he gets feedback to the graduate advisor within 24 hours of receiving the paper. He's the one that I took an exam for on Tuesday.  So, that bodes poorly, since it means they probably do read the stupid things.

Regardless, I no longer have a ton of working hanging over my head, just the prospect of having to do this again if I want to graduate. I just want to be done so I can actually have a life again.  Though, I'm sure soon I'll need to find something to busy my time. I am not one that can just come home every day and watch hours of television. I mean, I'm going to do that for a little bit because there's a lot that has built up on the TiVo over the past ten weeks.  However, I don't find that fun. It makes me really stir crazy and unhappy to only have that to do. 

For now, it's been wonderful to spend time with my family again, to do things, and to not have anything waiting for me.  Hooray!

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The first thing that I did after finishing my exams was to come home and do a bunch of laundry that I wasn't able to get to this week because of the mad grind to prepare for the exams.  I actually like doing housework. It's a nice routine and when you're done the house is cleaner.  I find that quietly satisfying.  

Final Exam Day

Today was very similar to Tuesday. I was put in a different office but this one was also a professor that teaches the topic that I was testing on.  Like, why would they do that? Am I being punked? Are they testing to see if I cheat using the books that are in the room? I don't understand this process at all.  The one thing that made me feel a little better was that the laptop that they had me using they also used for other students and I could see how much other students were writing.  One student only wrote 5 pages for both questions.

I ended up writing about six or seven pages for each of the prompts that I got for the exam.  The thing that really threw me into a bit of a spiral last night was that I noticed that the exam prep said that the professor would be grading the spelling of all foreign words and names. So great, now I have to memorize a bunch of fucking German. The entire thing took till 1 again. I was really thrown off too because the graduate advisor congratulated me, shook my hand, and said I was done. The way he said it was like that I was fine, however said I would be about a week until I got the results back for the exam.

Like I said yesterday, I don't expect to pass these things. However, it's over now. I don't have to read, I can actually do something other than reading, which is all I've done the past 10 weeks. In fact, I watched a movie I recorded back in SEPTEMBER today when I got home from the exam. I'm glad this fucking thing is over.

Picture(s) of the Day: 
Picture 37

Ok, so this is a throwback to earlier in the winter, but it was just too cute not to use. Sal and Becky made a snowman, and then they had a snowball fight. So cute!

Final Prep

Tomorrow morning is the final exam date, and it's on the history of World War I in England, and Nazi Germany.  I took a class on Nazi Germany and nearly all the books on the bibliography were from the class. I didn't take a class on World War I, but I ddi take one on England so part of it covered that.  When I arranged the exam with the professor I didn't really know what to do for the second part of the exam, and the professor was not helpful in the least. In fact he required that I come up with the bibliography myself, like, thanks! Because I know what books need to be read. I've been worried the most about this exam because I don't feel very prepared for it. I didn't get to read as much as I did for the other classes, and a few books on the bibliography I didn't get to.

I really don't see how anyone can succeed in this format of testing. They provided very little in the way of preparation assistance, they really didn't give much in the way of guidelines. I really don't expect to pass this thing, and given how this is going I don't plan on attempting it a second time. If I can't pass it now, there is no way I'm going to be able to do it a second time. I could try the thesis route, but given the amount of time it takes to complete it I don't know that I could graduate in time.

Basically, I don't think tomorrow will go well, and I hope they just pass anyone who attempts this whole thing.

Picture(s) of the Day: 
Picture 36

We went out for dinner and they had these little wax straw things that you could make into things. One of the things was glasses, so we made them and Sal was very pleased.