The Show Must Go On

A few months ago things unexpectedly changed.  An old friend from high school reached out and asked if I'd be interested in directing a high school play for the school he worked at.  The former director was gone, they had already had auditions and casting and needed someone, and he knew I taught and did theater and wanted to see.  So, I decided to say yes. It was very last minute and the first rehearsal was the day after he contacted me.  The entire show was playing catch up and getting to know the program, students, and how things operated there.  There was some stress here and there, but the show ended up looking great and it was generally a good time.  So they extended the offer and I'm back this semester working on the school musical, which has been a new experience for me.  I've worked on musicals, but I haven't been the director of a musical before.  

Getting back to theatre has been something I wasn't expecting or planning on.  After I parted ways with the last school I did theatre for, and after the community theatre went into mothballs, I really didn't expect I'd ever be back at it.  I slowly allowed myself to adjust to the idea that theatre was part of my past, not part of my present or future.  It was a period that I enjoyed, but it was over, especially working with students.  Working with students was always what I liked most about it.  The community theatre was fun, and we had good times, but it wasn't like working with students, which is what I always loved most.  

I don't know how long I'll be back in the theatre business, but I am enjoying it now.  It's rejuvenating to work with these students after the long hard days of teaching that I have.  I love watching their enthusiasm when they get out there on the stage and start going for it. I love watching them grow as actors and put together their performances.  I love the excitement when they get the part they auditioned for and the thoughtfulness many of them put into preparing.  I also love this group of kids too, because they have become so supportive and kind toward each other.  They compliment each other, they cheer from the house when someone finishes their big solo, they grab groups to work together on their scenes while they wait. The culture in the program is going in such a positive direction.

So, I don't know if this will be my last show, or if there will be many more to come, but it's been so fun to be back in a theater.

Being A Burden

Quite often in life, I feel as if I am a burden. Or perhaps not a burden, but a chore; something that you have out of obligation rather than by choice?  A situation where people go through the motions with me, but I get this nagging feeling that they'd rather not, or feel like they have to, for whatever reason.  I don't really talk about it much because it's not the kind of conversation that I'd usually want to have with people, or when I do it's about other people, and I'm told that I'm just being silly, or that of course that's not the case and I'm just letting my mind play tricks on me, etc. Also, as a disclaimer, I don't say this in a boo-hoo poor me sort of way, but rather that this is a fact of life that I am merely acknowledging.  

So how does one get to the conclusion that I have.  Well, I think there are a few pieces of data that lead to that conclusion. The first is the issue of communication. Quite often I have observed that the responsibility for communication is skewed in my direction. If I'm not the one reaching out, then I won't hear from many people until I decide to reach out again.  Now, I'm not talking like I'm looking for daily text exchanges, hours on the phone, FaceTime all the time kind of communication.  I'm talking, "Hey, I saw this trailer for a new movie I thought you'd like." or "Hey, just wanted to say hi, miss you, and hope you're well." Of course, you'd want to have a bit more interaction as time goes on, (which are also absent), but little things like that to show that you're being thought about unprompted, that you're not just out of sight out of mind until you show up and ask for attention.

Related to communication is that relationships do require face time.  Again, it's not something that needs to be done every day, for huge blocks of time. The occasional lunch or coffee meet-up.  Once in a while a bigger outing to some sort of event.  It also can be just low-key things like sitting around for drinks, or even running some sort of errand together.  There are lots of ways to get interactions, and it doesn't have to be elaborate, or even regular and scheduled, but it can't be nothing.  

Closely related to this, and also much like communication, it can't all be skewed in my direction. I can't be the only one making plans and setting things up.  This one I think about a lot because since COVID, I have been invited out by someone else four times, total.  That's an average of once per year. Of those four times, half of them were the same person.  Other than that, I've had to be the one to plan, invite, and coordinate the events.  

When you put all of that together, it feels like one is a burden or an obligation. When it's one-sided it doesn't feel right, and the longer that goes one the more it makes you feel like you shouldn't force yourself on others, and step back and become more insular.  Like I said, this isn't a "poor me" kind of outlook, and I'm not looking for sympathy or pity. I'm merely saying what I see, what I experience, and why I have the view I do.  

Goals Update - January

Last year I was absolutely terrible at updating goals, which wasn't great for me in terms of completing my goals.  This year I was like "I'm going to check in more, blog more, stay up to date on my goals, but January got buys, and this fell to the back burner.  Though, I was not busy in the "omg I had to make a phone call at work so now I'm drained of all energy for the rest of the day" busy.  I was "I leave the house at 6:45am and don't get home until maybe 7:15 if I'm lucky now I have to do my workout, eat dinner, kid bedtime, holy crap it's time for me to go to bed now" busy.  So, I've not thought much about my goals as the month went by, but here we are a month into it and it's time to see what's up for January.

Goal Number One - Read 12 books: Good news here!  I finished one book this month.  To be fair, I did start it in December, but I was maybe a quarter of the way in, so that's mostly being read in January. Basically, the entire month at work I would read on my lunch break, which gave me about an hour and a half or maybe a bit more per week reading (except when we had snow days). This month I finished The Anthropocene Reviewed, which was a series of short essays about the modern world.  It was fun, and perfect for reading at school because I usually could read 2, sometimes 3 essays every lunch period.  So, one down, 11 to go, with 11 months left!

1. The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green

Goal Number Two - Focus on Fitness by closing all three of my fitness rings 75% of the time: Falure on this one for the month.  I wasn't overly focused on closing all three rings this month, and I only got to 15 out of 31 days, which comes to 51%.  I would have needed 7 more days to have made it, but alas, I missed it.  I'll have to do above 75% as the months go to make up for the misses.  This one needs my focus more so I'm sure I get it. 

Goal Number Three - Photo Project:  I have a goal of making three photo book projects, but I haven't had time to really focus on them right now.  However, I have worked on organizing my photos and managed to remove over 10,000 duplicate photos from my library.  So that's not the goal, but it will help with the goal.

Goal Number Four - Spend less time using screens: My screen time is well below what it was in December, and generally I have been pretty strict on keeping to the time limits.  There have been a few days where I ignored it, but it's not the majority of time.

Goal Number Five - REDACTED SECRET: I have no comment here at this time.

Goal Number Six - Take one photo a day, and post it:  This one was hit and miss, I didn't get it every day, but I also did more than I had been, so hopefully I can build the habit back.  For January I had 23 of 31 days.  So, not quite, but almost!  

Goal Number Seven - Have seven new experiences:  January brought a new experience because right around the middle of the month we welcomed our new foreign exchange student, who will be staying with us through June!  It's been interesting having someone new in the house, and he's been polite and kind, and of course, is still getting used to the change of moving to a new country.

1. Welcomed a foreign exchange student. 

One month down already, onward to February!