Passive Aggressive

Working here I've discovered that people who are non-confrontational are also the most passive aggressive people in the world. Passholes? Passiveholes? Massive Passholes? We'll think about naming later.  However, the thing is that being someone who hates confrontation and generally will avoid it, I also know that it can lead to passive aggressive behavior because you're frustrated but you also don't want to confront the issue, so then you're just an asshole about things and the other person either knows why or doesn't know why.

Well, I was out sick yesterday and so I was confronted by all sorts of passive bullshit on my return.  It's never specifically about being out, but if I am out I come back to find all these tiny little problems that I'm picked at about. All of it is not consequential in the least, but they still in their passive attitude have to pick at anything they could possible find. Needless to say today was not a great day on account of the constant barrage of annoyance.

I really don't think people understand my situation.  I don't think they get that it's not like "oh yeah, that sucks that you don't like your job." People seem to think you should just be able to deal and move on.  No big deal, it sucks but it's not that bad.  They don't seem to understand the cumulative effect of this sort of thing.  It's like drinking a little bit of something that makes you sick, but then doing it every day so it builds up and builds up until makes you very sick.  Imagine doing something you hate doing, that you despise doing, and now imagine having to do it with the three people you can't stand most in this world.  No imagine doing that 9 hours a day, 5 days a week, in a continuous march that leads you nowhere. Now imagine doing that for four years.  That is going to wear on you and as time goes it's going to get worse and worse and you'll be able to deal with it less and less, and it will start cutting deeper and deeper.  It's like a small drip on a rock will eventually wear a hole in the rock.

Now take all of that wearing and unhappiness, and add in the inability to do anything about it.  No matter how many jobs you apply for, or how many times you rewrite your resume, or the referrals you get, no matter what you do nothing changes.  So take all that frustration and annoyance and add in a heaping helping of futility and do that for 4 years.  And even knowing that I don't think people get it.  Until someone is caged and trapped, and has no hope of getting out and is constantly in a state like that for and extended period of time I don't think they get it. 

You end up becoming an empty drone that does the same stupid thing every single day, no end in sight, no way out, nothing you do helps. Every day wishing to change something but nothing you do gets you anywhere, and time just keeps passing and keeps passing.  So what is your life worth slowly wasting away time that you'll never get back?  But there's nothing you can do about it because everything you do trying to get out of it gets you nowhere.  Then add in personal failures, people abandoning you, people betraying you, and other such nonsense and you end up in a pretty shitty mood.

I don't think people get that.  I don't think they understand any of that and come back with "well just deal" as if just because I'm mentioning these things means I'm not dealing with it, seeing as how every day I get out of bed without complaint and go repeat the same day over again.  Or they say "stop focusing on the negative", as if most of my day isn't negative.  As if the five and a half hours a day I have that isn't me being asleep or going to/coming from/working, is enough to recharge me from all the nonsense. I don't think people understand what it's like to cope with that type of thing for this long.

Telling me I need to learn to cope is rather rude. I've been coping with this for four years.  I've been taking every opportunity to try and change my situation.  I have applied for every job I'm qualified for.  I have applied for jobs outside my comfort zone, especially ones that I have been referred to by those I know and who have put in a good word for me.  I've spent every day searching the new job postings.  I have gone back to school to learn other skills to try and help me get something else.  I have had people review my resume and professional profiles to help me better get noticed. I have tried to improve my current work situation until I can leave. I have done what I can to leave work at work.  I have explored other options to change the situation including lower paying jobs and other more drastic solutions.  None of those things has brought me any solution, so what exactly have I not done?


Anyhow, that was my day. Don't worry, tomorrow will be the exact same thing, because it always is, but that's ok because I'm never getting out of this situation in any meaningful way.  At best I may be able to get the same job I hate with other people who may or may not be any better than what I'm already dealing with.  Hooray.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 120
So, apparently I need to circle the code used, even if there is only one listed.  In fact, they don't like that I removed the unused code from the form because I don't know why.  A little lower down on the form they circled "To" in the "Pay To" line so they knew that it was going TO the person not due from them.  Which they would know by reading the sentence since it said "Amount owed to guest".  I really can't stand these people.

The Cloud

Apparently with Amazon Prime you get unlimited storage of photos included with your membership.  I had no idea about that and I've never really been one for "the cloud" but at the same time I'm becoming increasingly concerned about what would happen to my photos in the event of some sort of flood or fire that took out my computer. My phone alone has over 1,300 photos, which then backs up to my computer, but if my computer were to go, I'd lose 24,000 photos.  Which sounds like a lot of photos, because it's a lot of photos.

So, I decided to give it a try to see how I liked it.  The interface is decent to use, and you can sort things into different folders to make it easier to find things.  So, overall it's not a bad system though, I don't love it.  However, it does keep my photos backed up in the event of some terrible calamity.  The only worry I now have is for the physical photos that I haven't yet scanned in.  Guess I should get going on the scanning.

The other thing I'll have to consider is that for a low annual rate I can also store unlimited movie files.  Which, I have a lot of.  Will have to consider these things. One of the worst things I can think of is losing those memories.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 119
Sal had some nice times with her great grandma, who of course thinks she is the best baby that's ever been. 

One Down

Last night I did the final in my film production class, so that means I am done for the semester with that class, and the only thing I have left to do is my exam in my class this Saturday, which will also be a practical exam where we'll have to do some sort of Photoshop work.  Really, I'm glad the semester is over.  I'm not thrilled that I need to figure out what I'm going to do in the fall.  Things aren't available, as I mentioned, and I'm still considering applying to EMU to start work on my next degree.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 118
I know it's not Thursday, but I got some old family pictures to scan and I had this one of me as a small child.  The only ting I'm concerned about is what is with that bit of hair coming out under my ear.  That makes me think I may have had a mullet. Going to have to Photoshop that one.

Final Project

Well, as I said I would do, below is my final video that I submitted for my final project in my video production class.  I'm a bit annoyed because after two days of meticulous editing each shot to adjust the brightness, contrast, and correct color issues I uploaded it and it looks totally off from what it looked like on my computer.  I expect this has to do with the screen setting on the different computers, but surely there's a standard that you can follow to be sure it's not an issue.  For example, I know that when doing audio it should fall within a certain range (though I also noticed that there were issues with that here and there that I needed to adjust.

Like I said, it's weird when you look at the same thing over and over for extended periods of time.  You start to notice every single flaw or every single thing that you wanted to be different.  There were also things that I didn't realize until afterwards that we didn't get such as enough reaction shots, or that I messed up the sound or video, or that due to continuity there were certain shots that I just couldn't use.  One example was Sal and her pacifier, which meant that I couldn't use a few reaction shots because she had them in those shots, but was crying in the others.

Anyhow, they say that you are your own worst critic, which is probably true.  I just wanted it to be better than it was and it didn't turn out quite like I wanted it to.  However, I did learn a lot, which is the entire point so mission success on that on.  So, enjoy, or don't, haha!

 

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 117
Because I was so busy working on my video I missed bath night, which is of course the cutest nights of the week.  Luckily Becky took a photo of Sal in her new animal towel.  This time she is a Triceratops!  DINO SAL!

One Year Later

One year ago today Becky and I went for a little trip down to Toledo to visit the zoo.  I have never been to the Toledo Zoo before, and everyone says it's so much better than Detroit, so we decided to head out and see what all the fuss was about.  It was a pretty nice zoo, and the Polar Bears were very active and seemed far more relaxed than the one we saw in Pittsburgh.

However, one thing that happened that day we didn't tell anyone about for quite some time.  That was also the day that we found out that we were going to be parents.  It was something we had discussed a while back and decided that we would do, but we were coming into my zone where I didn't want to have a kid because it would show up around the time of holidays and that would be terrible for a child to have to share holidays with birthdays, just seemed like a bad idea.  But, turns out our kid was going to do whatever she wanted, and of course in January she arrived.

So, given that it was a year later and we now have an (almost) four month old, we decided we'd head down to the zoo again since it was a nice sunny day, and was pretty warm.  It was actually a lovely day for the zoo and a lot of the animals were very active.  The Polar Bears were playing, the wolves were walking around, the Flamingos were... flamigoing around their pond.  We didn't end up going to the new aquarium because it was a stroller free zone and Sal was on the verge of going to sleep in her stroller.

We spent a couple hours walking around then headed home so I could finish up my project.  It's interesting about how things are different a year later.  Last year there was a lot of anxiety and worry about what the next few months would hold, and what parenting would mean, but this year it's much calmer, and we have an awesome baby too!

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 116
Sal was all ready for her trip to the zoo.  I have some better pictures that I have to get off the big camera of her day.  She did a great job and loves to walk around in the stroller and look at things.  She's big on looking at things.

Down The Editing Hole

Tonight I spent hours of time, basically all evening, working on the video project that I have due on Monday.  It's a lot of work going through each individual shot and adjusting the color and brightness so that video looks decent instead of a blown out mess.  It's amazing how much time you can spend on something that really comes out to being only a couple of minutes.  It makes your eyes go a little crazy, and I haven't yet quite gotten the hang of adjusting the colors so that they don't look too red, or green or blue.  Balancing is a lot of work, but a lot of the shots look a lot better because of it.

It's also weird when you keep watching the same few seconds over and over again.  It's kind of like if you say the same word a bunch of times it starts to sound really weird.  It's like that when you're watching video.  The more you watch it the more you see little things you don't like, or the more you like something better than something else.  I have one shot I really love, but I can't seem to get it to work in the film because of the other shots I have to put in before or after it, and the continuity would be off because they were from different takes.  So, in the end I can't use it which is really annoying.  It's no wonder that mistakes in continuity show up in movies because, for example, in mine I was unloading a grocery bag and in one shot I pulled out two items, and in the next I only pulled out one, so that messes with things.

Overall, I think it'll be fine, and more importantly I've learned a great deal about how to shoot and what to watch for.  I know that I needed to have more crew especially for the mic since there were some issues. I think if I did another film it would turn out a lot better knowing now what I do from this experience, and that's always good news.  Once it's done I'll post the final product here, though I expect most people have seen it since like 3 people read this blog.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 115
Becky made Sal a dress tonight while I was working on my video project that is due on Monday.  The dress is super cute and Sal seems to enjoy it too.

Blocked

I've  had four weeks to work on my "self portrait" that is due in class tomorrow, and as of today I really have nothing.  I have tried to think of something, and I've tried to come up with a concept but I have zero creativity for this, and I really don't enjoy the project at all.  I've had little to no problem with the other three projects, but this one I absolutely hate and I've spent four weeks getting more and more pissed off about the whole thing.  It's too vague, yet too many specific requirements like number of pictures used, and where they come from.  Why would I need four pictures to do a self portrait?

Basically tonight I'm just throwing all sorts of stuff together trying to find something that I can turn in.  If I can't find anything I'll just not turn anything in and say I didn't do it because it was stupid.


Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 114
There was a meeting today and I got free lunch.  I have no idea what this is, but it's for a group from China, and it is certainly Asian.  I know for sure that under all of this is rice, I'm also fairly confident that the stuff int he right was chicken and there was some fish and vegetables as well.  I'm not sure what the stuff in the left corners are, so I didn't eat them.  Overall, pretty tasty.

Blood Thieves

Today I got to spend a bit of time at a doctor's office so that they could take my blood and look at my DNA.  I really wasn't a fan of doing this to begin with because if it comes back that I have the mutation there's nothing that can be done about it.  The only upside is that if it comes back negative then I'm less at risk and can be treated normally, so I have a 50-50 chance on that one.  However, it seems that everyone for the most part has been tested and has it, so there's probably a good chance that I will too, and then I just get to live with this knowing that I will most likely develop cancer, so that's not going to be bad for my anxiety and worry.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 113
I wonder how much the person who took this picture got paid, and I also wonder how many other exam rooms have this picture in it. 

Being Nice

So, the guy in my group said he was sick which was why he didn't show up last week to shoot.  Now, I could totally have just left him on his own, but it sounded like the last time they had an issue with their footage and he went out and redid the entire thing and edited it together, so I felt a little bad for the guy.  So I told him if he could shoot today then I would go out an help him.  The girl from our group approached me today in class and asked how the video turned out because apparently she wasn't aware of what happened.

So, long story short, I agreed to help shoot the original documentary, even though I didn't need to.  I figured that while they did flake out on me, that I'd be better than that and I'd help them even though I didn't have to do it.  So, we went down town and shot what we originally thought we would, but I'm not sure they have enough footage, but I don't really care.

Also, big surprise that I get into his car and it reeks of pot.  Imagine that, the guy who was a total flake is also a total stoner.  What a shocker.


Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 112
This Jesus was all, "hey, how you doing today?"

Missing DVDs

We still get DVDs from Netflix since nothing new streams and really streaming is only good for tv shows. However, the last DVD we sent seemed to not get back to them because after a week I notified Netflix that we sent one back but they hadn't received it.  This hadn't happened before but we have had a few times where things are slow to get there.  I kind of think someone in the post office perhaps is getting it and watching it or something?  I'm not sure it just seems like when we put it in the mailbox it takes forever to get back to them, but if we take it to the post office it gets there the next day.


Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 111
She's all smiles in pictures, and then a grump at home.

Miserable Monday

Today I apparently hit my wall of what I'm able to cope with and basically spiraled into this very negative and angry attitude.  The weekend was pretty stressful because of the video shoot, and that combined with my high standards resulted in a lot of stress.  Additionally I have this stupid project due next week where I'm supposed to make a "self portrait" using four different photos and then blending them together.  It's pissing me off and I'm probably just not going to do it and will get a C in the class or something because I'm getting too angry about it.

Basically I hate everything today.


Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 110
Tonight was bath night, but we had to do it a little early because there was a blowout and someone made a huge mess.  Her hair is long enough that she got this sweet mohawk during her bath.  I'm not sure she was overly impressed given her face.

Wrapped

Well, filming is now complete for my final film project.  We ran into rain, and had a hard time finishing the shoot because of that.  I don't know, it might be possible to do a few final shots next week just using a DSLR, but I'm not sure it would match up well, and it would require getting a few people back and it just may not be worth it in the long run.  There are already so many problems with the video/audio that fixing something to better tell the story might not make sense, and would really just waste everyone's time.

Yesterday I we feeling very negative about the whole thing, and about the idea of doing video projects in general.  It took a lot of work and a lot of time to do a short video that will probably come out to being about 6 minutes long, so I don't think it's sustainable to do this regularly.  There just isn't the kind of manpower needed in order to do it. 

The contrary view might be that if the timeline wasn't so artificially tight then perhaps it would be possible.  I also was rushing because I didn't want to take up people's time and things were already running long, so if I slowed down then it might work out better.  I also think if we could get the script to people with more advance warning then it would make things flow a bit better.

In the end while I may be feeling negative about things, I also recognize that through the mistakes from this shoot I learned a lot.  I learned that I need to be a little more organized (or rather I needed to keep the organization I already had in place.  The times we failed were when I didn't reference my shotlist). I realized that outdoor filming is a pain in the ass, but that with certain preparations can be fine.  We had issues with wind, and if we had the right equipment then it would have been better.  I also learned that it's incredibly difficult to be in the shot and also film it.  There were a few times when my head got cut off, which if I had been behind the camera and could see myself in the shot I could have fixed it.  Though, if I had flipped the screen around I could have seen that, but I learned that too late (but I did start doing that once I saw the mistake).  So, in the end I'm not thrilled with the final product because I know I could have done better.  I am glad at how much I learned and was able to take away from the process.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 109
While we were shooting the final scene downstairs Becky and Sal were upstairs taking pictures, and this one is one of my favorites.  I also got video of her rolling over onto her back, though it looked more like she just let gravity do most of the work.  Regardless, it was adorable.

Shoot Day

It was a long day of shooting today, and ended up being about 7 hours of shooting, though some of it was prep work, travel work, and discussing how best to shoot it.  I'm not thrilled with some of the stuff because the weather was certainly going against me.  The sun was very bright and that led to a few of the shots being over exposed, but it was hard to see that and correct that because it isn't always easy to see in the tiny little viewfinder or the flip out screen.  To make it worse the wind was really going and it led to a lot of mic issues on the outdoor shots.  I also got home and realized that we had rushed some of the filming and didn't do a few of the shots which I may be able to work around, but may not be able to.

Basically I'm questioning if I'll turn it in.  Perhaps I will write a paper about what I did wrong, and what I learned from it instead, or better would be if I did a voice over on a few of the shots explaining my error on them.  I'll consider what I want to do.  Tomorrow I'll see what I can do with what I have, and decide if I should just cancel the shoot of the last scene because if I'm not going to turn it in then there isn't much point in dragging people out to see it.

Meh.  This whole thing is making me feel really negative and down about things.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 108
The other day Jasmine and I picked up a bag of Funyuns at the store and snacked on them on the way home.  However, over the course of the next few days she got none and I ended up eating the rest with my lunch.  She found the empty bag in the trash can and sent me a text about how I betrayed her and "how could I do that to her?"  It was pretty funny.  So today I got another bag for her, so I sent her a picture of the bag and told her I got it for her.  Then I took a picture of me holding just one saying that I'd only eat one, followed by this one saying I couldn't stop, and then I sent her a picture of the bag in the trash saying they were gone (thought it was the picture she sent me of the last bag, but she didn't notice that).  It was pretty funny.

Fast Turnaround

On Wednesday night I found out my group decided to not hold up their part of the project and that i was on my own.  Two days later I have a concept, a script, and soon a completed shot list.  Though I'm not having sever second thoughts about the entire thing and question if it's really all that funny to begin with.  I feel like the idea is actually kind of stupid and while we may come up with some funny bits over all it's not really that great.  I also have no idea how long it's going to take and also just found out that a lot of it is going to be filmed tomorrow instead of Sunday.  Either way I'm going at four days total from conception to filming being done, and then probably another day or so to the point of being totally done with the project.  That's pretty insane given that we've really had about two weeks as a group to complete all this work, so it's pretty nuts.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 107
I found this amazing framed extravaganza while at Value World.  We needed a frame for the video project, and found this which was way better.  After we bought it I was sure that it was one of those things that the staff of the store thought would just sit in that bin forever, never to be sold.  Well, lucky for them I need it.  I guess lucky for me too.

Throw Back Thursday

I've been consolidating my hard drives which I think I've mentioned, and as such I've had to migrate some files that I had into a newer version of one of my programs.  While doing that I took a quick peak at a few of the videos, which included some home movies from 1995, and 1998.  In the older video I didn't even recognize my voice at all.  It totally did not sound like me, and it took me a minute to realize I was the one that was talking.  The older one did sound like me but it was so incredibly terrible.  We came up with an idea that we'd do a Rescue 911 parody (I had to explain what that was to Jasmine because it was so long before her time, she also freaked out when she saw the time stamp on my 1995 video because it was taken before she was born by about two weeks).  Anyhow, we made this movie and it was just so ridiculous.

As I watch these old movies I remember the movies, and I remember the pictures, but I'm remembering less and less of the stuff that isn't on video or isn't on film.  There are a few things I remember form that trip in 1998 like going up to the creek and walking on the rocks which were really smooth.  I also remember staying in the "ghost room" and Annie's mom giving us "hugs" when we got in the car at the airport (she reached back and squeezed our hand since she couldn't actually hug us).  It's hard to believe that the videos were 17 years ago.  If you think about it if you went in the opposite direction in time, and went 17 years before the videos were taken and you'd run into me as an eight month old.

Sometimes I feel bad because things deteriorated with that group.  I really don't see them that often, or even talk to them that often even though we have Facebook and e-mail.  Time apart at the beginning caused our lives to diverge so much.  It almost doesn't feel like my life because it's so different now.  When I think about it I think about it as myself in present form just at an earlier time, but when I watch the video i see I was so different.  Change is so slow that it's kind of imperceptible until you've gone so far and have a glimpse back and see how different you are now.  Maybe once I'm done with classes I'll upload some of those videos to share.  

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 106
Due to an error with the vending machine I ended up with two bags of M&Ms.  It makes me think of the "personality test" that they made you take before you could work at Brookstone because one of the questions was something about how you would react if a vending machine gave you two items instead of one and listed a few different options on what you would do.

Without A Paddle?

In a little under two weeks our final film project is due.  Our group decided that we were going to do a documentary talking about the history of film.  How meta of the group.  I had some ideas about how this could go and the guy in the group who helped come up with the idea seemed to be on the same page as I was.  We also have a girl on the group who didn't show up to class when we were determining what we were doing but she was fine with the decision and offered to do the pre-production paperwork.  Today was the day for us to go shoot our video, though I was a bit worried that we wouldn't have enough shots for the entire project (something that was an issue with the first project.

Well, we all agreed to meet at class first then head out.  We decided on getting some shots of the local movie theaters and to interview people about their experiences with movies (favorite movie, last movie they saw, favorite actors, etc.)  Well, last night I get a text from the guy in the group saying he's sick and throwing up and may not make it.   Earlier this afternoon I get a text that he's still sick and isn't going to make it.  Fine, I still have the other group member and the two of us can take care of it.  Class starts at 5:30, I arrive a bit early and there's only one other person there, so I wait.  As I'm waiting I have this feeling that my group member is not going to show.  Time ticks on, and we get to 5:30, and there are only three people in the class (counting me).  Sure, people are often late, so I wait. At 5:40 I text the remaining group member and ask if she's coming and she tells me she's having car trouble and to go on without her.

So, basically they have left the entire responsibility of shooting this thing on me.

The class tech asks me what's going on with our shoot tonight and I tell me I've been left without a paddle and it's my job to do it all.  He asks if I've told the instructor yet, and I said I haven't yet because I just found out.  So he calls over the instructor and after some discussion we arrive at a solution that I'm on my own for this project, that my equipment reservation will be extended through the weekend, and that he's sorry I ended up in two shitty groups and that he thought he had put me in a better group.

So, I guess I'm not up the creek without a paddle, my group is.  However, that means I'm paddling alone, which is a little stressful.  So, basically I have four days to conceive a film, set it all up, and film it.  Here we go!

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 105
On my lunch time stroll, decided to take a picture of the metal sculpture.  I don't know what the artist was thinking when they made it, but at the very least I appreciate that it's sitting there on the grass being interesting looking.  Well done, art person.

Stay At Home Dad

Today I played stay at home dad because Sal has been really fussy and has not been eating well.  In addition her sleeping schedule has been all thrown off, so we finally called the nurse line after it was clear it wasn't a blip on the radar that would pass.  They wanted to have her come in today and needing to make it easier for Becky to get to and from work for her meetings I took the day off to avoid having to drive all the way out to Belleville multiple times.  Turns out, despite having a cranky baby, it was a pretty easy day.

We got Sal to the doctor and after being examined by a student as well as our normal pediatrician, they determined that Sal sounded like a textbook case of acid reflux.  Apparently we should have called her Saul not Sal because she's really a 58 year old man who is grumpy and has acid reflux. They gave us some medicine and said it was quite common on account of a weak muscle that allows acid to go up her esophagus.  They also said it would take three days for things to really kick in, but after her dose today she's already a lot more calm and happy.

As for the rest of the day, Sal slept most the afternoon which gave me time to do a bunch of things that I haven't had the time to.  I had some computer processing some uploads, I did some cleaning, I did some organization.  Turns out, I'm pretty good at being a stay at home parent.  I think it would drive Becky nuts to not get out, but I'm totally content not going out for longer periods of time.  I'm sure eventually I'd want to go somewhere, but I'm able to fill my day pretty easily with all the things that I am working on.

So, I guess the question is, where do I win some cash so I can do that full time?  Haha!

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 104
Thanks to my Adobe CC subscription I'm able to get really old stuff uploaded since FCPX updated to not allow that, which is totally stupid. Thank Dumbledore that Adobe wasn't so stupid.

Up And Running

Finally after weeks of trying to get it fixed I now have a working treadmill again!  Technically it's been fixed since Saturday, but today was the first time that I really got to use it on account of Saturday and Sunday being quite busy.  It certainly helped me reach my step goal for the day, and I actually feel pretty good after the run.  It was also nice because I got to use Becky's Kindle and watch some Star Trek as I ran.

My hope is that I can regularly use it, and right now my goal is to use it to ensure I meet my step goal every day, to make up for all the steps I've missed so far (and if I do as many steps today as I did yesterday I'll be ahead for the month of April).  I also want to see if I can do a short run every day for the next 30 days.  I think it shouldn't be too hard, since I'm doing about 45 minutes (which is one episode of Voyager), but I worry that it could be a little hard on Wednesday because I have to do a film shoot for class.

But, I'm glad it works again!

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 103
Went on a lunch time walk today and the flowers are up and going all over the place.  These were probably the best group I passed, though a bit far in the spacing.  It's very pretty!  I love flowers.

Working On The Weekend

Today was a busy day which my movement tracker told me (I took nearly 20,000 steps today).  Basically the past few weekends we've been so busy doing things that we haven't had time to do some of the house stuff that really needed to get done, so today was spend nearly entirely cleaning.  But, the upside is there are some really clean and beautiful parts of the house right now!

Though, we didn't spend the entire day indoors, we took a break and took the dogs and Sal out for a walk.  She was pretty happy for the most part, though we need to get her a hat or some sunglasses so she isn't so squinty.  The fussiness regarding eating has continued, and gotten to the point that Becky actually called our doctor's office to see about it.  They said it could just be that she's distracted, but she's been starting to freak out with eating anything more than two ounces, which is highly irregular.  They said it's not anything urgent but if it persists then perhaps we should bring her in for an appointment.

Other exciting things: Game of Thrones is back.  However, the episode felt far too short, and I could have easily watched a long longer.  Not much really seemed to happen, it just seemed kind of anticlimactic for being the first episode of the season.  However it still looks like it's going to be good this season! WOO!

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 102
Some pretty purple flowers in my neighbor's garden.

About Time

Today was totally lovely!  The weather was so nice, and tomorrow is supposed to be just as good!  It's finally getting to be warm out, and the grass is turning green.  The neighbor's flowers are starting to sprout and some of them are even flowering which is fantastic.  I always love spring but I get so impatient about the first part of spring because I just want it to be nice and warm out!

Despite this warm weather we spent a good portion of the day at the mall.  I needed to get some new shoes and based on the praise of numerous people we headed to Novi so I could try on some Clarks.  I ended up getting a pair, though they were well above what I find acceptable for the price of shoes, but I'm assured they will be better and more comfortable.  The key is that they don't wear out too quickly like all my shoes have.  That will make me very annoyed.

Sal had her first trip in her new stroller, and did very well for the most part.  She strolled around and didn't freak out unless we stopped moving and she got bored.  As long as we kept moving she was fine.  She did freak out a bit when it came to feeding, she's been really fussy the past week or so and we don't entirely understand why.  It's not fun.  She's basically being a cranky booty in regards to feeding.  Also not sure if she's hungry or she's just learned to make noises with her mouth.

Anyhow, it's been a lovely day.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 101
Another of my assignments from class.  This is a space thing.  There were supposed to be planets but the tutorial was written by a non-native English speaker and I think something important was lost in translation.  So, I just did the nebula and thought that impressive as it was.

Waiting For The End

The countdown is starting, only three weeks until this semester is over, and I can't wait.  I'm sick of the group work and people not doing what they need to leading me to do all the work.  I'm not at all thrilled about the final Photoshop assignment because it's a "self portrait" and I have zero inspiration or interest in doing it.  Basically I'm counting down the days until I don't have to do this shit anymore.  I don't even know what I'm going to do about next semester since nothing I need is being offered, and I have no direction or interest in doing any of this. Maybe the sun will explode and I won't have to worry about it.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 100

I forgot to post my latest Photoshop composite picture.  This one isn't that great, it was just a quick in class assignment to try and add the items together to make something out of it.  I think the tank turned out the best since it was in a bright desert scene.  The bunny is ok, but really huge.  The peep and the helicopter are terrible.

Unilateral

Many times I've been told I need to trust people, to delegate, to let other people help. The problem is that none of that is true.  I can't trust anyone to do anything.  I can't delegate anything if I want it to get done.  Letting people "help" only prolongs the work, ensures that I will have to constantly monitor it, and in the end it's just easier if I do everything myself because no one can be trusted to do what they say they are going to do.

People want to act as if the problem is that I never trust others, when the problem is that every single time I do they prove to me that I shouldn't have. People are lazy and untrustworthy.  They have no drive or dependability.  They have no sense of ownership and pride in doing more than the bare minimum.  They procrastinate and think it's cute to say "well good enough" when if they hadn't waited until the final day they could have done something that was worthy.  Instead they turn in shit and get offended if you don't love it.

Basically I hate everyone.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 99
Small story: In third grade we moved to live with my Grandma.  Halfway through the year my mom moved us back to where we lived before.  Because of that I never got my 3rd grade yearbook.  This week while picking up Sal, Becky's dad found her 2nd grade year book, which just happened to be the same as my 3rd grade year book because that half year we ended up going to the same school.  So, I got to flip through it, and for your viewing pleasure, here is my 3rd grade yearbook photo.

Birdman

Tonight we finally got around to watching our Netflix that we've had for probably a week or more.  The movie we had was Birdman, and I didnt' really know much about it except for who was in it.  I think that's probably why I wasn't so compelled to watch it.  I knew it won best picture, I knew it had a ton of nominations, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to be any good (i.e. Beasts of the Southern Wild).

I really enjoyed the movie actually.  The story was kind of weird, but the performances were great, and I really enjoyed the cinematography and technical aspects of the movie.  I think a lot of people might find it a bit too weird since there's a lot of mixture between what's in the real world and what's in his head.

After watching it I felt that I enjoyed it, and I felt that it earned the best picture nomination based on the other movies that I've seen so far (The Grand Budapest Hotel, Boyhood, The Theory of Everything, and now Birdman [still to see: Wiplash, The Imitation Game, Selma, and American Sniper which I have zero interest in]). The others were decent movies, but I felt this one had an interesting story, and interesting shot format, and just was all around great.  The rest were just movies, this one felt different.

Anyhow, I enjoyed it, I think it could easily not be your cup of tea, but if you're a fan of "the movies" I think you'll enjoy.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 98
My step-dad was in the area for a funeral and made a stop so he could have a chance to meet Sal and Wyatt.  I guess he didn't hold her very long, but thought she was very cute and was impressed with the differences between Sal and Wyatt and by how strong she was and her ability to hold her head up.

I Get No Respect

In yet another example of the lack of respect and trust I get at work, today I was asked to do something that didn't make sense when looked at objectively.  We have to fill out a form when we order something over a certain threshold and don't bid it out.  However in this situation the charge was automatically charged because it had to do with import and we have a brokerage firm that takes care of that for the entire university.  Since that's the case there should be no need for a form because essentially this is a "preferred vendor" which doesn't require the form.

However, some junior associate said "I'd probably fill out a form for this", so I was told to do it.  When I said, "well that doesn't make sense" I was told, "no they said to."  So I started to fill out the form and decide no F that in the A I know I'm right.  So I contacted the senior agent who worked with us to bid out the equipment in the first place and she said "no, you don't need that form for this it's our designated firm you have no choice in it so you don't need the form."

I pass on this information and I'm told to go back and get it in writing, which ok fine whatever.  However the point is instead of telling me to blindly follow the instructions of someone not familiar with the process I should have been listened to allowed to follow up with someone competent instead of told to do needless work.

I know how to do my job, I know what I'm talking about, but I'm constantly treated as if I'm a mindless temp or "the help".  Fuck this place.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 97
This spider came crawling in my direction while I was sitting waiting to be picked up from class.  it stopped and didn't move for a long time.  I kept my eye on him because spiders are creepy sneaky asshats and can't be trusted.  I looked away for a second after about five minutes of monitoring and he ran off.  As per policy I burned all my clothes and ran away as fast as possible.

Stress Break

For some reason my stress level has been probably around a 9.95 for a few days.  No real reason that I could point to and say "that's the reason why I want to punch kittens".  It's not fun, and I've physically felt it.  I don't enjoy that, and a lot of it is generally work related and what I'm doing with my life right now, which is nothing.

Today for some reason it was like a weather front moved in and you could feel the heat break.  I appreciate that, and I appreciate feeling a bit better today.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 96
There is this new guy who just moved from Korea to take a job here and from working with people from this area of the world there's this tradition of bringing gifts.  Well, this guy thought that since I was helping with his office set up that I warranted a gift and I got this lovely fan.  That's actually pretty cool. Thanks, guy!

Holiday Four

Today is Easter, it's not really one of the holidays we do anything for, though with a kid and with our upbringing often times there's a dinner or meal.  The other kids in the family get their Easter baskets, there are Easter egg hunts, and of course everyone had a ham.  Why is it we eat ham on Easter?  For real, like, why does everyone decide that's what we have to have?

It also marks the fourth holiday of the great family schism, and I've about had enough of it.  It's coming down to the "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" because every complaint I could levy an equal or worse against my mom, but I don't blow up the entire family over it.  Why? Because I grew the fuck up and learned that some things you have to let go and accept.  Everyone wants the Norman Rockwell fantasy of family, but the reality is a lot of people don't have that.  Holding what you have against that and then faulting what you do have for not being that image is a stupid waste of time.

It amuses me because most of the time I see these posts about how you have to "let go of the negative" and "remove yourself from the drama" sort of sentiments, but in reality my life has been nothing but drama since I was born pretty much.  So by those arguments then cutting out the source of that would be to cut out the people who post that nonsense.


There is a total lack in ability to look at ones self and see the flaws and the mistakes made.  There is an inability to realize that what other people do may have nothing to do with you or even consider you before it happens.  Holding grudges for 40 years is petty.  Keeping score is useless.  So perhaps grow the fuck up and stop making much ado about nothing.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 95
Look at those eyebrows!  How expressive!  She makes the best faces.  Today she was a big grumpy, but we got along for the most part ok.  We had a quick departure after her cousin blew chunks all over the kiddie table, and no one wants a baby with the flu.  But, she looked quite fancy and lovely in her little dress.

Group Fail: The Sequel

Well, I'm two days into the weekend and we have a bunch of stuff due on Monday for our group project, and so far no one has done a single thing for it except me.  We have a basic idea of what we want to do, but we don't have it focused to the point that we can do anything at all.  I'm not thrilled with going through another load of horseshit for a project.  I mean, in the end we're only four weeks out, so it's not that big of a deal, but still it's four weeks of having to deal with nonsense.

I've determined I just hate young people.  They are undependable, lazy, shitty people.  They lack the ability to put a group ahead of an individual they are wholly incapable of making any decisions whatsoever.  They are simply the worst.  I'm sure there are a small group of them out there that can do these things, and thank god for them because someone has to run this country someday and it's not going to be the layabout, drifting, slacktivists who can't be bothered to upload information onto google drive.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 94
Hat that matches sweater, with flower that matches t-shirt.  She dresses with better style than I do.  It helps that she's also the cutest thing every. With all the events today and yesterday she'd done pretty well.  We had some trouble with her need to stay away to see what's going on, but other than that she was pretty good.

Marathon Weekend

Happy Friday!  Well, it's now the weekend, and while the past few weeks haven't been too busy, this weekend is going to make up for that.  Tonight we're having a number of people over for Scott's birthday.  Since he's in the middle of rearranging his house for the arrival of his girlfriend so we decided we'd play hosts for his event.  It should be fun and includes many people, and pizza.

Tomorrow will be busy with school for me, but then the Robertsesese will be coming over since we haven't seen them since January. I always enjoy having them over because we don't see them much and they are great.  It'll also be nice because Eila "the best" Roberts (incidentally the only one with the name Roberts still) will be able to join us and we haven't seen her much on account of being in Africa.

Finally, since we have a kid now apparently that means we have to do things for Easter.  Easter isn't on my list of holidays I really care to celebrate.  I suppose it's all fun and good to decorate eggs, Easter baskets, and then do the whole hunt thing.  But, I'd also like to stay home and get stuff done. Sunday is generally my getting shit done day, so a holiday is a bit of a pain in the ass.

Anyhow, hopefully it'll be a fun weekend, though busy.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 93
I saw this at Whole Foods today and immediately thought of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.  It's no good.  Now every time I see this I will think of that song.  Also, if you're reading this and don't know what I'm talking about then you have to go watch the show.  I really enjoyed it, and it had that great Tina Fey feel to it.

Google Minus

A while back Google tried to shove Google+ down everyone's throat who had a YouTube account.  it was a total pain in the ass and because of the confusing and the insistence of Google that you needed at Google+ account to interact normally on YouTube I somehow ended up with not only a Google+ account but also three Google+ pages.  It got a little confusing when looking at my YouTube account settings.

Well, today I was able to delete all that useless Google+ crap, and it seems like I won't need to deal with it as I can still make comments and like videos on YouTube even after deleting them.  So perhaps Google has realized that Google+ is a waste of time that no one wanted.  Either way, I'm just happy that my account is clean and makes sense to me.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 92
Could someone explain Sunday to me?  So, it's going to be 61, but it's also going to snow?  The details on this app are really lacking.

Hello, April!

Spring is here!  Welcome to April everyone, and it's so nice because the weather is getting warmer and everyone loves that!  Sure, today is April 1 so you have to beware of the foolishness that goes on.  Personally I've never enjoyed the whole April Fools, so hopefully I'll get through it quickly with no nonsense.

Goal Number One - Get A New Job: Applied for a few things last month, but didn't get any replies, which is usual.  Applying for jobs actually makes me more angry/depressed/annoyed than doing nothing because it just highlights how stuck I am here and how nothing is ever going to change.  So WOOOOO! Trapped still!

Goal Number Two - Read At Least 18 Books:  I finished two texts for the month of March.  For the year that gives me Children of God, A Farewell to Arms, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, and Common Sense.  I'm not sure what I'll read next, I have a few things that I'm considering but I don't know for sure.  I also have a play or two I'd like to read.  But we're three months in and I'm 5 of 18 for the year.  Not bad.

Goal Number Three - Go Out West: I've done some research on going out west.  I'm not sure if we're going to do anything or if we do where we'll go.  Part of it is the considerations on what we'll do with Sal, and also there are some other things we'd like to do so it's unclear what sounds like the best plan for the year, but at the very least we're looking into it.

Goal Number Four - Be Consistently Active: It's a bit of a mixed bag.  I've improved how much I've been active by a couple of minutes, but I missed a lot of the goals.  The trend line for it however is going in the right direction, so hopefully I'll start to see some better goal numbers in the coming months.  It'll also help when the weather is nicer.

• Subgoal 1: Missed my step goal again this month, this time by 35,735 steps, which is an increase over my February miss, however a huge improvement over January, December, and November.  So, while it was a bit of a step back, the trend is so far not bad.  With the regular running my hope is that April I'll actually meet the goal.  It'll help too that my treadmill will be up and running next week.
• Subgoal 2: I missed my 30 minutes of activity per day by 561 minutes, but it was an improvement over last month because I improved my total time, my year to date average, and the number of days I met my goal.. 
• Subgoal 3: Started running this month two days a week with Sara, which is helpful because it's having someone else to hold you responsible.  Surprisingly I'm doing pretty well in terms of my endurance for the intervals. I mean, sure it's not the best, but it's way better than when I started last year.

Goal Number Five - Digitize My Photos: I've done some digitizing of my videos, but not photos yet.  I think that counts a little bit.

Goal Number Six -  Have Seven New Experiences:  So far we're just at the two experiences for the year of becoming a dad and being in an operating room during a procedure.  Five more to go.

Goal Number Seven - Projects: There has been a lot of movement on this, there's a lot of planning that goes into these, and there's been some stuff to report.  For the video project specific items have been identified for script writing.  For the family project and the history project not much has been done.  But things are moving.

Secret Horcrux Goal 8 - Mood: For the most part I'm feeling good, however job hunting puts me in an very negative mood, and the fact that I can't find anything just compounds it. 

So, that's the goals roundup.  Good luck in April.

Picture(s) of the Day:
Picture 91
The sun is back and almost high enough to get the center of the sun dial on the wall.  The sky is also quite blue looking out this window, though looking out the front window it looks a bit hazy.