Disappointing Jazz Hands

Over the weekend I went out on one of my every so often jazz nights where we went to see some fun jazz.  Last time we were at the Ark and it was like a UM student showcase so it was a real mixed bag, but it was fine because I'd never been there and also they're students doing their thing.  They all seemed really young, with means I'm getting too old.  We've also gone a few times to the Blue Llama jazz club in Ann Arbor.  This week was another visit to the Llama, and we really picked the show because it was the day that we could all make it.  Sadly, Heather had to back out at the last minute, but Jeff and I still got to go.

The quartet itself was, ok, but they had the vibe of maybe they also play weddings?  The lead guy also decided to sing a lot.  I think the highlight was when we couldn't contain our giggles because he decided to sing Nature Boy and it was mostly not a problem but he got to the end and got really close to the mic and aggressively whispered "NATUREBOY!" which of course is comic gold.  I got one drink called a Brambler, which was a delicious mixture of gin, lemon, and blackberry with a bunch of pebble ice.  I'd get it again.  Overall, it was fun enough (really I'm in it for the company not the show), but by far the least impressive performance that we have gone to so far.  I guess better luck next time.

The Great Malaise

Back in 1979 President Carter gave what became known as the "Malaise Speech" about how the country was feeling.  I don't think he ever said the word malaise, but that's what it became known as.  He talked about how there was a crisis in confidence, that the mood of the country was off (or perhaps as they say today the vibes were off).  It actually was a pretty decent speech and at first there was some positive reaction to it.  The problem is that a few days later he fired like all his cabinet or something and that kind of demoralized people and made them feel like things weren't actually going so well.  Unfortunate mistakes that could have taken things in a different direction and avoided the terrible outcome the following year that gave us the disaster of Reagan. 

I think I've been feeling a bit of a malaise myself.  Just a generalized feeling of ill-being that I can't exactly pinpoint.  It probably has many factors.  The summer is winding down, I've got a bunch of people wanting me to do things, my social situation is basically nonexistent, there have been big changes to the realm of hobbies that have left me feeling dissatisfied.  It's not one big thing, but rather a bunch of little nothings that result in a general "blah" if you will. Nothings specifically wrong, I don't feel specifically bad, everything is fine. It's just blah fine.

Sometimes I joke with my students when they ask me if I would be anything, what would I be?  I always says a malevolent genie. This throws them because first, they don't know what half of those words mean.  But also, they're like, "what?! WHY!?" and I get to tell them that no one ever said I was nice.  Then I give them examples like "what would you wish for" and they'll say "to be rich" or "to be famous" and I'll say, ok, you got $1,000,000 but it's all in pennies or you're famous, but that's because you pooped your pants on live national television.  You know, they got what they want, but not really.  It's like wanting macaroni and cheese and you get the Meijer store brand.  Sometimes I feel like a lot of stuff I get is like that.  Like, oh this is what I want to do, and I get to do that but it gets to be extra hard, or exhausting, or subpar.  For example, enjoy doing this play but here's a bunch of asshole parents and entitled children who can't be told no or have any consequences ever so they're the literal worst.  

Things should be so fucking hard all the time.

The Good Ol' Days

It's interesting when you visit my blog (though I don't always see it because as the poster my interface is different), but I've still got this list of deadlines or long abandoned blogs over on the side from back in the days of blogging that seem to have long gone.  I don't know that blogging is recalling a thing that people do anymore (though it is still a stupid word). But for me it was a somewhat of an online vibrant community.  There were people I was related to, friends, people I knew and then got to know better, people who were once students, etc. that all had blogs that I followed and had an idea what they were up to and who they are. However, we all kind of shifted to the other social medias, (though even then we had multiple) but those became so much easier to do.  I mean, why read when you could post videos and pictures of what you're doing.  Of course you also had the rise of vloggers, which actually may be an even stupider word.  

However, I'm quite fond of the days when there were lots of people on here that I could read up about their days in a way that maybe I wouldn't normally be able to.  Sure, I can see a post on instagram, but it's usually just a small caption.  I've left Twitter complete after the Elon take over because obviously fuck that asshole.  And naturally I'm rarely on Facebook and even if I was I'd never see what people I know are up to because of the terrible algorithm because the Zucks is also a piece of shit.  I mean, really fuck most tech people, and all billionaires.  Making the world worse for profit.  But, anyway, it was a nice thing to read up on people and hear their stories.  Perhaps the other place people have gone is to podcasts.  I did follow some people I know with their podcasts, for example a former coworker had a daughter who because a van life person, and those were really interesting stories.  I guess it's about the social in social media.  It was a way to socialize with a larger circle and hear stories that you might not because people move or get busy.

So, I've had this blog for almost 20 years now, which is a crazy reality, and there have been times I've been more and less active.  There have been a number of times where I'm not quite sure what the point of it all is, but then again looking at the world what's the point of a lot of things?  However, as I think about it, it's quite interesting to have this kind of log of things I've done, thought about, from a personal but also current events perspective.  20 years is a long time, and honestly I don't remember what all I wrote.  A lot is probably awful and cringy, but whatever.  And sure, I could just have a diary, maybe with a lock that I hide under the mattress of my day bed, but what's the fun in that? Plus, it's nice to have it out there elsewhere so that in the event of some sort of natural disaster it's not lost (say in a fire or flood), though at the same time in the event of some sort of other disaster it all could be lost, say if the entire internet went down because of our new AI overlords.

Perhaps that's a new goal, download and make a hard copy of this thing.

That seems like a lot, but maybe it's a good idea anyway.

This Is Fine

Often when people ask me how I'm doing I'll say "I'm fine." At times this had led to some conversations because the response will be like "obviously not, because of  *gestures broadly* so you couldn't possibly be fine."  But, I'll still insist that I'm actually fine.  Of course this brings to mind the comic of the dog sitting in a boring room saying this "this is fine" while being surrounded by flames.  Many people probably see this comic and are like "oh this dog is delusional or in denial" because obviously you can see all around him that the situation is not fine, everything is on fire and it's a terrible and awful situation.  However, I will contend that perhaps to the dog it is, in fact, fine.

That's because I think "I'm fine" or in the case of the This is Fine Dog that perhaps the meaning of "this is fine" or "I'm fine" means something different.  It means, "this is the usual and customary situation or feeling that is often present."  Another way I think about it is that when watching Star Trek TNG Data would often say that he was working within normal parameters.  This is fine to me means "within normal parameters."  The problem is that my normal parameters perhaps are much wider and includes a lot of things that some may see and think "that's not fine!" but because it's so common it becomes fine.  I've had a similar problem with my watch when I've been doing a lot of running and sometimes my heart rate shifts to a point where it doesn't log it as exercise anymore because the normal parameters shift to a different area that takes the rate that used to be considered exercise minutes and it doesn't cut it anymore.

It also make me think of the word snafu.  It's not a word that a lot of people use anymore as over the years it's become less and less common, but it's still used enough that most people know what it means.  It's when there's some like hiccup where something minor has gone wrong.  Oh now, we had a little snafu with the seating chart and didn't have enough seats for all the people who came to this conference (this actually happened this week at the event I was at).  Oh now, we've got a little snafu with the part, we've run out of ice and it's sold out at the nearest locations so we'll have to see if we can get it from somewhere else.  That seems to be how we're using it now.  According to Merriam-Webster a snafu is a situation marked by errors or confusion.  However, the word originated in the 1940s and was military slang.  Originally it was acronym that was used and popularized by World War II soldiers, and originally stood for "Situation Normal: All Fucked Up" though in some places they "cleaned it up" and changed fucked to fouled.  Basically it meant this is a normal situation, but unfortunately normal is fucked up.  Basically, this is fine, operating within normal parameters.

So really, all of this to say, maybe it is fine, but maybe that's because fine is what many might see as not fine.  It's really all about the scale and what's average, I suppose.

Anyhow, this blog is fine.

What The Hell Just Happened?

As part of my job the past two days I've spent at a summer PD where went and visited a private school.  The school was built under the idea that they were going to create this great school, bring in the best and most passionate educators, and have teachers from all over visit the school to see what they are doing there and go back to their schools and bring that knowledge to create better schools.  To their credit, their teachers are nationally recognized educators who have had tangible results.  They are also passionate and engaging people, I've heard the two founders of the school as well as some other staff speak before ever visiting the school, and they are fun to listen to and clearly love what they're doing.  

I'd say after yesterday I felt completely overwhelmed and overstimulated.  Everything was just so loud all the time.  For one, there are hundreds of teachers on this visit and so there's always a lot of people talking when we travel to room to room to watch.  However, the rooms themselves also are like this.  During each transition the teachers are blaring music as students (and as we) enter the room.  In one room in addition to the music they also had these like fog machines that shoot our fog/mist, but not like a theater sort of way, but if you've ever seen these jets at like a basketball game or sporting event where it loudly shoots out smoke.  Many of the rooms were rigged with theater style lighting, and in one class when they got enough problems correct the teacher smashed a green button on the wall and the result was like a rave in the classroom.  It was a lot of stimuli and by the end I basically wanted a sensory depravation chamber to recover from it all. Today, the second day was a lot less insanity.  Perhaps part of it was that the shock and awe had worn off, or perhaps they toned down their Operation Shock and Awe so that it wasn't so over the top.

In the end it was a lot to digest and I don't know what to think about all of it.  I felt like there were a lot of broad sweeping generalizations but I didn't feel like I walked away with any real specifics on what I'm supposed to do.  Like, it seems like the sentiment was generally "be more passionate" and "make sure you keep your arms above your waste most of the time."  Which, I don't know if that's all that helpful.  I feel like a lot of it hovers around the idea of "do more, think of the children!" It makes me think of this really shitty motto I've seen that says "A good teachers is like a candle, who consumes itself to light the way for others."  Like, these people have made this their whole life it seems, and put every waking moment into this job.  That's commendable I suppose, but it's not sustainable.  The quote basically is saying to destroy yourself for others until there is nothing left of you.  This is absolutely absurd because that's not a way that you can live if everything is going toward this and you end up with people feeling like they have to burn themselves out (and if they do they're a failure) in order to do this job.  I personally love teaching (despite the fact that I feel like I do very little teaching anymore, but that's a different rant) but I've got kids, a family, and basic human needs, and so I can't burn myself out for a job regardless of how much I love it.  So walking away from an experience where the answer seems to be that you need to have 150% energy all day every day isn't workable on a systematic level.

There were also a lot of focus on making this fun.  The special, super awesome, buzz word "engagement" is the underlying thing with making it fun.  Students are drumming on things, they're doing all these dances, call and response, and all sorts of other things, but in the end it left me feeling and wondering what they've actually learned.  Do they know and understand anything, and if I tried (not that I would because that kind of thing does not fit my personality) would my student learn anything.  Or would it be kind of like how birds can mimic words and sound.  They're just repeating the slogan, they've learned the word by heart but what it means is not there.  Now, for them maybe it works and maybe they do understand what it all means.  But it was like when I had this dentist years ago always try to upsell me on procedures like screenings, whitening, etc. because they wanted to "max my benefits" to get my money's worth.  They were always just selling me and I lost trust in what they were suggesting because I didn't know if I really needed it.  In the same way, I walked away today wondering how much of what I saw was real, and how much was a show for all the teachers that showed up.  They do these visits twice a month, so do they all know the script?  It felt like a performance.

But again, these people have tangible results in public schools before they got to this private school.  However, now I'm watching them in this private school.  This school where people are trying to get in, where many are paying tuition, where parents have to meet a required number of volunteer hours.  And of course, walking around the school I can see why kids would want to go there.  I spent the past two days taking photos to send to my own daughter because I knew she would love it there. Sure enough, when I spoke to her after getting home she was like "why can't we have a school like that back home?"  It is clearly a place students want to be.

In the end, I don't know what I just went through and what I can take from it. All too often it feels like I'm trying to teach people against their will.  They don't see the value in my subject, but some don't see the value in school at all.  It feels like being on a battle field, whereas this felt like being in a joyful space.  I suppose that the very least I can take the feeling of optimism and that motivation of what teaching could be and why it's important because those feelings came through after this visit.  I still don't know what else to take from it, but it certainly was an experience.

Football Is Life!

As everyone knows, I am not a sports person.  I don't enjoy sports generally speaking. I think it started young because all the people who did sports tended to be assholes, especially to the people where weren't good at or didn't like sports.  This is especially true if you're a guy who doesn't like sports, which naturally meant that means you must be gay.  GAAAAAAYYYYY!  I mean, call me crazy but there's a lot of gayness to things that happen about sports.  But hey, what do I know? 

My first real experience with sportsing was when my mom forced me into playing T-Ball.  Now, I never wanted to, but she insisted.  Then when I didn't like it she insisted that I had to finish the season.  I assume it was a "we paid for this, you're going to do it" sort of a thing.  It was the 80s, so who cares if you didn't want to do something, your parents made you anyway.  It wasn't a fun experience, we won exactly one game, and that was because the other team didn't have enough players to play a game so they had to forfeit. I don't actually think that counts as winning, but it was a game we didn't lose at the very least.  I was on a team with a bunch of littles and I feel like I was probably the oldest on that team.  We were not very good, obviously since we only didn't lose when the other team didn't show up.  I remember being the most frustrated because there were a set of twins (if I recall) on the team who would hit the ball and then slowly bend over and set the bat on the ground.  Now, as a father of daughters, this idea tickles me greatly.   I'd probably be videoing and laughing if my girls were doing that because that's quite clearly adorable.  At the same time, I'd also say, "hey next time you gotta just drop that bat and run!"  I think maybe it was so annoying because I didn't want to do it to begin with, so I was being forced to do it, and then we always lost so I was being forced to lose.  It'd be like someone forcing you to become a Confederate Civil War re-enactor (HOORAY, MY HOBBY IS TO BE A LOSER!). Of course, as I got older I met more exciting and douchey jocks.  Generally, it's not fun.  Plus, who wants to watch a bunch of grown adult millionaires (or at least close to) run around chasing a ball.

However, despite my general dislike of sports, there are three exceptions to this rule.  I don't mind going to a live game (specifically baseball, but I'd go to other things too for the right price), I also love the Olympics, and I love the World Cup. I think that with these two it's perhaps less about the sports and more about the idea that it's bringing countries together to cheer on their people, but it's also bringing the world together to have some friendly competition.  Of course, this year is the men's World Cup, and we've been watching lots of soccer of the past month.  The first rounds we tried to catch the games of teams we were interested in.  Perhaps because of their underdog story, or perhaps we just want our team to do well (but we all know the US men's team wasn't going to go all the way).  Once we got to the knock out round we watched almost all of those games, and then into the finals we patched all but one.

Today was the big finale of this month of the World Cup, and sadly we spent the day driving for the conference that I have later this week.  We did have the Fox satellite radios staying that we were able to listen to the game, but let me say that they were not the best at describing what was going on during the game.  It's a lot of talking, and then suddenly they would get all excited and most of the time nothing happened.  It wasn't the same as watching it, but we did get to hear what was going on, and weren't behind which was nice. It was kind of a sad ending because we were in the car, but it got a little exciting near the end. It's been a lot of soccer almost every day, but it was fun.  I'm looking forward to the women's World Cup next year, and of course the Summer Olympics in LA in 2028!  So a bit of sportsing in the future.

Just Like That, But Stupid

Ok, well today is going to be a little ranty because I'm annoyed.  There have been a lot of times in my life where I've had some ideas.  Some good ideas in fact.  Some things that I think would be helpful, effective, and could lead to a bunch of good things.  Often times they are big idea sort of things that would require a lot of work, and at the time was willing to put in that work.  However, they often got pooh-poohed away; they didn't happen.  The big vision ideas were too big and people had small views and didn't like the idea of opening up into something bigger, and better because they were afraid what that would mean for the small view that they had about things.

Later on, others have then taken the general idea and done something like it, only poorly because they were either unequipped, didn't have the drive to put enough into it to get it going, or just generally were somewhat incompetent and also lacked the skill to pull it off.  I've seen a lot of that recently and it's pissed me right off.  In this case, it's especially true because it's something that I personally had been advocating for since the start and was told that it was impossible.  In fact, now that I'm not involved the very people who said it was impossible have decided to do it.  What kind of bullshit nonsense is that?  You personally spent years saying no, and now think you can do it?  You, with no experience, no idea what you're getting into, and you're just going to give it a go because sure you can.  Why not?  Like, fuck all the way off.  

It's absolutely galling to see someone take your ideas and do them poorly.  You could have had something great but instead you get what you get.  I guess I'll just stick to my new slogan. "Good Luck, I wish you all the worst."

Summer Memories

Back at the beginning of the summer I did a post that was going on about the possibilities of summer, and how it felt as a child, etc.  In it I also posted a little clip from the Tiny Toons How I Spend My Summer Vacation (though everything just calls it "How I Spent My Vacation" and perhaps it's the whole Mandela Effect but I swear it was "Summer Vacation" though I haven't really done any digging on it, so perhaps it is.  I can't be bothered). The clip made me think about summers and some of the things we'd do over the summer.  Most summers we would spend a lot of time at my grandparents house, which was fun.  They had a pool, and a garden that we'd help with once we were older.  I started mowing the lawn, cleared out brush, but played and swam and whatnot. It was also when I started watching anime, at first making fun of Sailor Moon, but then becoming an actual fan.

However, the most fun was the year that we got a Mac.  At home we had a computer, it was one of those old DOS machines that you had to save things and you had the directory prompt.  We had one of those printers where you had to tear off the little edges with all the holes in it.  There was always talk of a computer that we could use to play games, but it would be a while until then.  However, one summer my grandparents decided to get a Mac, and an air conditioner to put in my great grandma's old room. With this new computer came the built in games, we played called Spin Doctor which was just a stick on globes that you had to get across a board.  We also had a game called Populous where you had people and you had to changed the land and help them thrive, but there was an enemy civilization that would come and kill your people, and if you could get powerful enough you could trigger armageddon and both sides would send all their people out for a winner take all fight.  We eventually also got Doom and Doom II.  We had fun watching the After Dark screensavers that featured the flying toasters that were backed by Wagner music.

However, the big thing was SimCity2000.  One of the things I wanted most when we talked about getting a computer was SimCity.  I had a friend who had a computer, and he had SimCity and it was fun.  "We" would regularly play it when we went over, but of course he was always in the driving seat and I got to observe.  It was fun, and I really wanted a computer so that I could get it and play.  Well, when that computer came home SimCity2000 came with it and we would spend hours playing it.  

I actually still have the strategy book with all the hints and cheats and guides to making a successful city.  Thought it wasn't really all that hard to do so.  My Uncle and I would build cities trying to cover the entire map, and we'd stay up way too late and my grandma would come down and tell us it was too late to still be up because it was like two in the morning. Though, it probably didn't help that my uncle set up the computer to chime with sounds that we downloaded from the internet. Sometimes it was like Big Ben chiming on the hour, quarter, and half hours.  

However, then there were other sounds that we'd set up like a clip from The Simpsons that when you shut down Apu said "Thank you for coming, I'll see you in hell" or "Elvis has left the building!"  It was the era of little sound bites, "Welcome!" You've Got Mail!" when you log in, and then little downloads that sing a big of Walk the Line, or random clips from shows.  We had one that was from The Tick cartoon where he just said, "Fudge... Would anybody like some fudge?"  The fun thing is my old iMac from 2000 still runs, and I still have all these sounds from all the way back in 1995, it's like a little audio time capsule. 

A Bit Rusty

I'm a tad out of practice when it comes to writing.  I've got thoughts but I don't know that I'm doing a very good job of being able to create a coherent argument and successfully converting it.  I suppose this makes sense as I don't write much any more so I can be a bit all over the place. I think that indicates that I should probably be writing more.  But, that's why I do have that goal of doing at least one post per week.  So perhaps if I'm writing more I can make more coherent posts.  Though I think one of the other factors is that I also haven't been spending a lot of time on it.  There were posts in the past that I would really gather information and treat it like a research paper.  This is just kind of word vomit.  So, I guess I'll need to get back in the swing of things.

We've Lost The Plot

Happy Independence Day!

Well, we've made it 250 years!  Of course I took to my annual tradition of posting 4th of July trivia on Facebook.  I can't recall exactly how long ago I started doing that, but perhaps I'll look it up and make that one of my trivia posts about the 4th of July.  There wasn't anything big going on here, just the household, no big BBQ, not guests, just kind of a quiet day, and of course some World Cup matches that we had to watch.  Yesterday I talked about the kind of disappointing way this year is feeling, and how it's basically a missed opportunity because you only get the 250th once, and we ended up in the stupidest timeline, so it was lackluster and disappointing.

However, there's another side to it that I've been thinking about lately, and it's a problem that's been growing for quite some time. I've seen it a lot in my lifetime, especially when I look at the post-9/11 world, and the "War on Terror" that descended into the war in Iraq. There was a strong current of "you're either with us, or with the terrorists" and there was no room for dissent.  However, I know it didn't start there, it's been going on since the days of the Vietnam War.  I don't think it's necessarily been a choice exactly, but it's been slowly happening, and it's to a point that I think it's a rather big problem.  The more progressive side of things has kind of allowed the ideas of patriotism to slip away, and we've ceded that idea, and the framing of it to the right.  We've allowed the right to set the terms and the norms and we've kind of accepted it.  I've seen some push back against it, but I think that it's something that's going on.

Some of it is logical, because when you look at the history of this country there are many shortcomings that we have had.  Some of it also falls into the issue that the teaching of history has taken kind of a second class, or back seat, to the "more important" subjects of reading and math.  We therefore have a lot of people who are not quite sure how to approach our history, however to analyze it, how to contextualize it, and walk away with impressions that I don't think are fair or helpful. I think a lot of people have looked at the shortcomings and places where we have yet to achieved a "more perfect union" and thrown the baby out with the bath water.  We've said, these people in the past compromised on issues we aren't happy about, or set up systems that have grown to be a problem, or had beliefs that were bad, and therefore we are are terrible country.  Of course, that's not to say that it's not true that people in the past did things that today we wouldn't, and that we shouldn't be critical of those ideas, actions, or beliefs.  We definitely should be, but I think that by taking those failures and projecting it on the whole is not helpful, and it makes us lose a lot of support, but also makes us too pessimistic, which then leads right into the hands of the other side who says that government should be small and do nothing.  

I think a perfect example of this may come from what we celebrate today, the Declaration of Independence, and specifically the man who wrote it, Thomas Jefferson.  We all know that in the Declaration, Jefferson wrote that "all men are created equal" despite the fact that he literally owned men and did not see those men as equal.  He is reprehensible in that way, and it's a terrible point of view and belief system that allowed that to happen.  However, at the same time, those words have been used to push for expansion of rights and to move us towards that goal to make those words true.  The Declaration and the ideas were used as the Union pushed to end slavery, the ideas of equality were used as we pushed for civil rights.  We could look at it and say, "nothing these slaveholders made was good because they were terrible people, and therefore our country is a terrible country."  Many people do this, and I've spoken to them.  However, we could also say, "these men had terrible ideas, however, the system they set up allows us to hold them to their words, and push us in the right direction.  We haven't made it yet, but we can and we must keep pushing."

We can't let cynicism and negativity blind us to the tools we have and the pride that we should have when our country has done the right thing.  That's the thing about a democracy, it is not a linear path, it has ebbs and flows, and in the end it's up to us.  We have made great progress, we have had severe deficiencies, and we should know those deficiencies so that we can make progress in the future, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't celebrate our country and our past, because many just like us fought, and in some cases died so that we could continue moving the ball of progress towards that more perfect union.  We need to keep optimism and positivity and celebrate the victories without succumbing to the shortcomings and seeing it as all there is.  History is really the stories that we tell, and we can cast ourselves as villains because of the flaws, or we could promote the good, acknowledge the bad, and keep working to be better.  In the end, America is only a framework and set of ideas, what we do today will direct the course, and future generations will chastise us for our failures, but they should also celebrate us for what we were able to accomplish.  I think in the end, this idea for me often comes to the "boomers" who are regularly the villains in the story of today.  Look what the boomers did for x,y,z but that same generation also had those who marched in the streets, denounced the Vietnam War, and made strides in issues from the environment to civil rights to humanitarianism.  Now, we could say that those Boomers are bastards and fuck them, or we could realize it's more complicated, and that as a generation there are flaws, but also great successes. In the end, I think the progressive side needs to find a way to our own form of patriotism, because that's what we'll need politically because right now we've let the right define it, and lost large swaths of the country to those ideas.  

It's a bit rambling, but that's what happens with my stream of thought.

What Is The 4th of July In Trump's America?

We're coming up on the 4th of July, and usually it's on of my more favored holidays during the year.  Generally the holidays that involve cooking and such are the ones that I like the most.  But, I'm also a big fan of America, or at least the ideas of America and what it's all supposed to be about.  This makes sense as someone who works in history every day.  I mean, we spend a lot of time going to historic places, I read a ton of nonfiction about history, it's a big part of what I'm interested in.  Of course, being someone who's studied it, I'm also aware of the contradictions, the shortcomings, and the challenges that we have to make this a more perfect union.  But, in generals I'm pretty patriotic, in a healthy and realistic way.  Of course, this is one of those big year type of celebrations.  A quarter of  a millennium is a big round number that warrants some extra celebrations, and of course there are so many countries out there that have us beat and have shit that's ten times as old (I've been to Rome).  Still, it's a big marking period and in normal circumstances it should be a big deal and something that we all can get behind.

Unfortunately, it's not a normal year because we're being led by a narcissist moron who has to piss in everyone's Cheerios.  What could have been a moment of unity instead is being co-opted by the stupidest people and turned into something that's really just kind of sad and lame.  There's a "national county fair" which, could be something that's interesting, but it's just kind of weird and silly.  There's a big fireworks display, but it's disrupting the annual traditions because it's being turned into a national rally for the president to stroke his ego and that of his supporters.  It could have been led by a bipartisan commission that was set up, but all their money was taken and given to his partisan hacks to turn it into, not a celebration of the country, but a celebration of one party, one idea, and one side of America.  It's all really just kind of disappointing, and could have been so much cooler, and would have been with probably literally any other president.  I mean, If George W. Bush were there (despite disagreeing with basically everything he did and believed), I think it would have been a very normal and positive kind of environment.  

But, instead here we are, and I don't know exactly what to feel great about.  We are in a rather shitty place, there's a lot of uncertainty, a lot of corruption, and things are not going in a great direction.  Because of this it's really hard to feel celebratory about the country.  It's basically as if we're going to have this awesome pool party, but a drunk asshole jumped in and took a giant dookie in the pool, so now who would want to get in?  So, what is it really to celebrate the country when we can see how flawed and inadequate or systems are because they were designed under the impression that people would have some moral fiber and stand up to the kind of nonsense that we are seeing.  That our branches would actually check each other rather than just acquiesce to each other.  That the safeguards would be ignored because it's become a parliamentary mindset of our side must always win in an environment that was not set up to work that way.  

What a disappointment.

Goal Update #6 - June

Welcome to the goals half time show!  Sadly I couldn't get Bad Bunny, left shark,  or Janet Jackson's unexpected nipple.  But, here we are half time anyway! The first half of the year is behind us, and now we're off to the last half!  To kick it off the summer has also arrived, and boy is it hot in here, so hot that Nelly is currently naked in the corner.  But, how are my goals?  Also naked in the corner?  Let's find out!

Goal Number One - Read 12 books: Well, yet again I have not added any books to my list, putting me further behind.  This is not ideal, and I did do some reading this month, but I've had trouble.  I actually fell asleep and took a nap the last day I tried to read.  I'm not in love with my book which is also part of the problem, but I'm also more than half way through it, so I'm confident that by the end of the month I will have finished it, and with luck will also have a second book done.  So there's the plan for July.  So far this is what I have: 

1. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood (311 pages)
2. The Impossible Fortune by Richard Osman (368 pages)
3. Murder by Cheesecake: A Golden Girls Cozy Mystery by Rachel Ekstrom Courage (336 pages)
4. Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt (384 pages)

Goal Number Two - Complete my 5k training program: This month I did restart my training program, It's an 8 week program, so the timing will be tight, but I should finish it before I start the school year back up.  It's been ok, the first one was challenging, and the second one I had some foot pain, but it's not been lingering so that's fine. So, some movement on this one. 

Goal Number Three - Blog more:  I've so far had 14 posts this year, and my official goal was one per week.  I should have 27 so that puts me a little bit behind on this, but I've done some more recently, and that's been an improvement.  So, being 13 behind isn't too far behind, and that means I could easily catch up this month if I tried to.  So, I guess this one is going in the right direction.  

Goal Number Four - Focus on fitness by hitting 10,000 steps a day average for the year: Again there was improvement this month,  in fact pretty big improvement this year, and it was within reach, but I slacked off over the last weekend and that kept me under the 10,000 goal.  But again, improvement is here this month, and the average for the year has improved too.  

1. January average: 8,966
2. February average: 6,635
3. March average: 7,478
4. April average: 7,561
5. May average: 8,256
6. June average: 9,762

Goal Number Five - Improve my social calendar: For June we had four social events, so that was good.  I want something more regular, but I'm also feeling kind of negative about socializing right now. 

Goal Number Six - Usable media memories:  This month I've been working on sorting my photo library, and this month was able to remove around 4,000 duplicate files, which is helpful.  At the same time I also have over 40,000 photos currently in the library (and I do have a large number not in the library that need to be sorted and added). I think I'm going to set up some separate libraries to sort out some that may all fit into different categories.  For example, a library for like old family photos (from before I was born) and maybe a different library for theater projects which is more about business.

Goal Number Seven - Have seven new experiences:  This month I visited a new zoo, the Potter Park zoo up in the Lansing area.  I'd never been there before, and it was a nice little zoo and I loved how many trees (and therefore shade) that the zoo had. Also a slight update, I've now finished seasons one and two of the original Star Trek series.  So, some slight, but not major new experiences. 

1. Finished Season 1 of Star Trek the original series
2. Saw Artemis II launch to the moon! 
3. Pacific Rim and Hunã Tiki Bar evening
4. Visited Potter Park Zoo

Now to the second half of the year, happy July!

You Are Not My Nemesis, or Perhaps You Are?

When it comes to house projects there is nothing that I loath more than painting.  I really despise having to do it, no matter the form.  It can be painting a room in the house, it can be painting a project like when I build something, or when I'm sprucing up my grandma's bird bath.  I just hate paint.  Though, to be fair, that bird bath does look much nicer now that it's painted, and those are the original colors from when I was growing up so it also gets some nostalgia points for having been updated.  The point still remains, it's a pain in the ass and I hate it. I hate when it gets on you, so you have to wear specific paint clothes because you know inevitably some is going to end up regardless of how careful you are. Then to make it worse you have to clean it all up, the brushes, the pans, the drips and rags to catch the drips.  There's nothing I hate more than painting. It is my nemesis!

Or so you'd think, but there is one thing that it turns out that I do hate more than painting. The thing worse than painting is having to pain up on a ladder for the friggin' trim on your stupid house that looks like straight up booty.  Yes, it's that time again where I have to climb up and fight with the hornets that keep trying to build their little nesting empires under the edge of the boards, to scrape off the chipping paint, all while being up on a wobbly extension ladder, or on a steep incline room that feels like you may die at any moment.  The picture to the left is the top most peak of the house where they decided to have a slightly different height on the roof line so that they could have this cute little extra turd of siding and some trim boards that have to be painted.  This sounds a little more harrowing than it turns out to be, because for this I could use a shorter ladder from the porch and then just climb up on the roof.

The downside for this, was that being somewhat steep I found the best way was to sit on the roof and then just scooch down the roof toward the roof of the garage.  There was a new hornet next that was being started that I had to contend with, so that was less than favorable.  The other unhelpful surprise was that apparently as I was scooching down the the roof towards the other roof and then down to the ladder I was ripping that ass off my shorts.  When I got down they were completely shredded.  CURSE YOU SIMPSONS CHRISTOPHER WALKEN FOR TELLING ME ABOUT THE SCOOCHING! However, I've had some success in getting the garage peak, the area over the garage, and the top of the house all done.  I still have to get the pillars and above the windows of the front of the house, then the entire back of the house near the top, which will be way worse because the back of the house is lower than the front so I'll have to be way higher on the rickety ladder.  

On the upside, no more scooching.

The Years Keep Coming, and the Don't Stop Coming

Ten years ago today was a big day, because Hamilton tickets went on sale for the Detroit tour, and of course Ticketmaster was horrible and didn't load well, but also they wanted over $200 for obstructed view tickets.  As I said at the time, and to quote the show, "You must be out of your goddamn mind if you think..."

All of this is actually true, however, the other thing that happened ten years ago today was that the morning before the tickets went on sale, I had an interview for a full time, permanent teaching job, and it would be teaching 7th and 8th grade history. It was a pretty long interview, as I remember it and it wasn't the horrible panel ones where they ask you canned questions with no deviation, follow ups, or anything.  Those are the worst possible interviews, especially if they make you go through the song and dance of doing a mini-lesson, which is such a bullshit thing to do at an interview.  At the end they said that they had to interview a few more people and they'd let me know, but then not three hours later I got a call back and I got the job.

It was a long journey to get to teaching, six years of looking while at jobs I hated trying to get to what I wanted to do.  15 years ago I had the curse of having the best experience during my student teaching, that then led into a long term subbing job at the same school, followed by yet more subbing and then long term subbing at the same school the following year.  It was a great experience, I enjoyed the people I worked with, the students were fun and were engaged in the lessons. Sometimes I think about them, they'd be in their 30s now, but so many of them were awesome students.  The hecklers (who wanted to know how my wife felt about my sassy attitude), the one who was a challenge, the one who always had a crazy YouTube video to share, the one who was like the life of the class when he arrived (that whole class was like a family reunion daily), the kid who told off the "bad kid" in class for making an inappropriate joke, and of course the "bad kid" who was not really a bad kid at all, the kid who was slacking because his parents were enabling it, the one kid of color that I had the entire day and was so jovial and charismatic, the transfer kid who got stuck in a freshman class as a senior because schools in Texas have different years for the subjects, the weird nerdy kid who acted like I was a bud but was amusing so I wasn't a jerk about it.  The kid who gave me attitude for their uncommon nickname that I mispronounced.  The kid that I had to come up with more challenging lessons for because he was so smart and such a reader that he was almost insufferable to other students because they weren't on his level. The two standard issue white boys who I could never remember their names because they never spoke and they both sat in the same chair on opposite sides of the room and never talked and had the most generic names like Chris, or Steve, or something like that.  So many experiences in those first years teaching, and it was so much to live up to, and then the six years in the wilderness looking for a place and meeting rejection after rejection, but today is the day ten years ago that it all changed.

It's a really weird thing, because it at once feels like I've been teaching so long and yet can't possibly have been a decade.  That first year teaching in my own class feels like a lifetime ago, another world, another planet even.  It was pre-Covid, it was middle school, it was a pretty challenging groups of kids (though nothing to what I've had since), but it was also often fun, and some great kids, and some silliness, puns, jokes.  There were students who dreaded the idea of being in my homeroom, only to then be so happy that they were.  There were students who drove me up a wall, who I saw later on high school visits who apologized and appreciated what I was trying to teach them.  There were students who came back to visit, I got to go watch graduate high school, and who have sent me little messages from college to say how they're doing.  But since Covid, there's been less of that.  It's been less fun, it's been more of a struggle, it's been less fun and jokes.  But it's also been different districts with more challenging students.

This year there were more glimmers of those years at the beginning.  There were more jokes, more fun, there's been more students popping by to say hello and say how they're doing.  More students who say hello to me in the morning as they pass in the hall to their first hour.  It's not quite the same, but it's reminiscent of the past. There were far more "OH! I get it!"  or connections to the world today.  More recognition of the importance of the topic.  At the same time there's been more phones, more AI, more cheating, more slacking, and that's so hard to overcome.

Phones have becoming the overwhelming force in classrooms now compared to when I first walked in a classroom in 2009 and 2010, and from those first days in my own room in 2016.  They are everywhere, they are the main focus, and so much time is spent trying to avoid their disruption, their distraction, and their ability to try and circumvent the learning process to achieve the "right answer" without having to learn anything.  Not to mention the attempts to text, to always have availability to the distractions of social media, to always have entertainment through games, videos, and music.  The energy to hide phones, bypass rules, to not get caught and argue when you do.  It's tremendously exhausting, and often times makes it feel like the majority of my time is spent waging a war against technology rather than teaching my subject, and trying to find ways to deter and police technology.

It's a far different world from where it was 10 years ago.  As of late, it's felt really disappointing because it feels like more often than not I'm spending very little of my day teaching.  Last year we went to the graduation of our foreign exchange student.  The keynote speaker was the school's art teacher, and in her introduction the principal said that walking into her room was like going to your favorite aunt's house and described the collaborative and peaceful environment.  It's stuck with me, because often it feels like my room is a battle field where I'm fighting to get them to engage, learn, and understand, and the students are doing everything in their effort not to do that.  This year, my 6th hour felt more like that room of fun and collaboration, but even still, it's hard to have 57 minutes of a 415 minute day that is peace and 228 minutes of active battle against learning.  Every day and every school year feels more like me trying to plot how to get students to learn agains their will.  How can I trick them into it?  How can I combat their avoidance?  How can I isolate the resistance and inspire curiosity? How can I help them see the value in the subjects, in learning, in the investment in their future.  I'm sure I'm not alone in this struggle, and it's likely why so many teachers are so utterly and completely drained by the end of it.  It's why so many walk away from the profession.  It's hard, often demoralizing, stressful, and exhausting. 

It also can be disheartening to have sought so long to get to where I am, and to feel like it's morphed into something this hard and to wonder if it's worth it to continue.  It often doesn't feel like anything you do through a day matters.  That you understand the vital role understanding this material is to each individual, and to the community and society as a while, but that it feels like you're achieving nothing.  The feeling of fighting to get students to learn, when that was your whole point, and those days when they do is so invigorating can be overwhelming.  To feel like nothing you're doing matters, and that it comes at the price of constant conflict, stress, and disappointment can become overwhelming.  Furthermore, to share these feelings and struggles and be met with "well you picked this job" compounds the anxiety about it all. The idea that because you picked it you have no right to complain about any aspect of the challenge (despite the fact that everyone has the moments at their job they complain about). The message is, be happy or shut up because this is the field you wanted. Perhaps that's more an issue of low quality friendship, but it does cultivate this feeling that you have no right to be disappointed that your career expectations have not matched the reality.  That the environment is different as are the challenges and conflicts.  You have no right to be disappointed, anxious, or let down.  

All of this doubt became more pressing following Covid, because when faced with such uncertainty and at the time the feeling of real danger, you begin to question what you're spending your time doing.  You wonder if it's worth the tradeoffs.  It's clear that time is limited and that every moment away from the things that matter in your life is time lost and that loss became more in focus when a crisis like Covid illustrates how limited time can be.  It used to feel like it was a worthwhile exchange.  That the benefit justified the time away.  However, sometimes that question gnaws at the back of your mind, "Is this really worth lost time in your life?"  If you feel like you're not making a difference, then that calculation starts to become troubling.  Those questions marks about is this worth it becomes bigger, and it takes more to feel like your time, effort, and dedication are worth it. But this also may be compounded by larger issues.  

Sometimes you can feel that hope out there on the margins.  You'll have those little moments that provide a glimmer of validation, that little bit of fuel to keep you going and to excite you.  That feeling of trying something new to get the attention and understanding.  It becomes like the New Deal, where you keep throwing out new ideas and new methods hoping something will stick and that you can make a difference. So you walk away form the edge of the abyss and start brainstorming new ideas, planning new ways to try to make a difference.  You evaluate the methods, the procedures, the things that having worked and try to figure out how to morph it into something more successful.  You become excited again for another chance to build something that was better than the last iteration.  Maybe it's just Charlie Brown and the football, or maybe it's actually going to happen.  

So, after 10 years of doing this you can see how much it's changed, and how much it's still some of the same obstacles and challenges.  I can see how it's been disappointing, but also how it's been rewarding.  I can also say, that the end of this year was the most positive and hopefully I've been in a long time, yet being so close to that edge of despair at times.  I've felt the shadow of doubt and at the same time felt the optimistic hope of a new way forward.  Today, seeing the reminder of the person from 10 years ago, and the excitement of finally achieving my goal perhaps will be a good motivation to try and tap back into that person.  To knock off the rust and repair the weathered down edges.  What will I have to say after the next 10 years?  I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Summer Keeps Coming And It Don't Stop Coming

Well, it is now officially summer vacation, which of course means that either I need to accidentally take a raft down the river, or I have to con a friend into taking me to Happy World Land. When I was back in school the period before the 4th of July was always the best part of the summer, but I'm not entirely sure why that is.  The period after the 4th of July always felt like it just rushed right past and there wasn't much left once you got past that part.  That makes no sense, because there are still weeks and weeks left after the 4th, in fact it's a far larger period than the time before the 4th.  But, that's always what it felt like for some reason.  Sometimes I think that feeling still lingers now, despite the fact that we've got three weeks until the 4th and probably around seven weeks afterwards, it just feels like the possibilities of the summer very quickly start to close.  I think that's probably more so now when there's so much more that you have to do as an adult.  

As a kid, summer is just whatever.  Maybe we'll go swimming, or to Cedar Point.  There's not really anything that is going to divide up the summer all that much, or at least there wasn't that much for us when I was growing up.  But, as an adult you start to plan things and you have to start figuring out when things are going to happen.  I mean I'm currently trying to plan a cooking night with friends and we are looking at dates in August.  That's a bit crazy, who it the world is so busy that we are out seven to eight weeks in the future.  I mean, I'm a rather busy person, and I don't have anything of the sort going on with my calendar.  But the point is, it starts to feel like there's not much time even though there is a ton of time still left in the year.

It really is about the illusion of possibility.  It's kind of like a Friday right now.  We've got the entire weekend to do whatever we want.  Sure there's groceries and laundry, but there could be anything else out there that we could do.  But once we get past Saturday, well, what could be becomes less and less because there's only so much time we have until we're out of possibilities.  It's all really about what we imagine could be going on.  In reality, I'm probably going to make a list of things to do.  Try to do those things.  Maybe do some reading, maybe do some video games.  Perhaps I should plan nothing, go old school with it and just not worry about what's going on.  If only I had a pool so that I could just swim away the summer.  Stupid HOA always ruining possibilities.

Goals Update #5 - May

We're coming up on the end of the first half of the year, so this is the May updates.

Goal Number One - Read 12 books: Well, unfortunately I don't have anything to add for May.  I started reading a new book, but I didn't finish it, and I had a hard time reading on my lunch, which is when most of my reading takes place.  I'll have to finish it up in June and then get a second book in.  So far this is what I have: 

1. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood (311 pages)
2. The Impossible Fortune by Richard Osman (368 pages)
3. Murder by Cheesecake: A Golden Girls Cozy Mystery by Rachel Ekstrom Courage (336 pages)
4. Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt (384 pages)

Goal Number Two - Complete my 5k training program: This month I did one run, but then didn't go back to it.  But as I've been saying, it's not something that has to be done right now. 

Goal Number Three - Blog more:  It's been a month, so missing that goal still.  I'm just going to have to go back to daily blogging in the summer to hit the goal of once a week (on average).  

Goal Number Four - Focus on fitness by hitting 10,000 steps a day average for the year: Again there was improvement this month, but still below my goal of 10,000.  But if I can keep it growing then by the end of the year we might be able to hit the daily 10,000 goal and recover from the lower averages at the beginning of the month.  

1. January average: 8,966
2. February average: 6,635
3. March average: 7,478
4. April average: 7,561
5. May average: 8,256

Goal Number Five - Improve my social calendar: For May I didn't make it on this one, and only had one social event for the month.  Though we did celebrate our anniversary, and of course had or usual family dinners.  But, not quite what I was looking for. 

Goal Number Six - Usable media memories:  Nothing this month about this.

Goal Number Seven - Have seven new experiences:  This month was our anniversary, and as part of our celebration we went to a new restaurant that we've never been to before, and then went to a new tiki bar in Ann Arbor.  It was a lot of fun!

1. Finished Season 1 of Star Trek the original series
2. Saw Artemis II launch to the moon! 
3. Pacific Rim and Hunã Tiki Bar evening

Summer approaches, welcome to June!

Put Good Out Into The World

 "Put good out into the world, and good will come back to you."

I've been sitting on this topic for quite a while now, about five years actually.  The quote comes from an episode of Cobra Kai (season 3 episodes 4/5 if anyone cares), where Daniel has gone back to Okinawa, and is kind of in a not so great situation.  He's reminded of this quote, and as the story unfolds the good that he had done in the past, in fact comes back to him, and he suddenly has a way forward. Of course this is a story telling device, yet the quote stuck in my head and bounced around for a while. So I made a draft blog so that I'd remember to come back to this idea (because if I don't the idea will disappear and never return). Every time I'd log in I'd see it sitting at the top of my posts, and then I'd have to shift the date into some future date so that it would remain at the top of my posts. 

As I mulled over this quote, the thing that kept coming up was the conception that kept coming to my mind was that I have been so worn down by shit that I've forgotten to put good into the world, or perhaps even how to put good in the world.  Life has basically been a swamp of sadness in a number of areas, and it's just been draining and was not possible to really think in that sort of way. In a way it was a reminder that putting good in the world was once a standard operating procedure and that perhaps it was time to recenter and refocus into an outlook like this.

But that was five years ago.

As I log in today and I think about this, I'm right back into the bog because it's hard to have this outlook when it seems so blatantly false.  Experience after experience instead has illustrated that in the best case scenario, putting good into the world just results in more obstacles and challenges.  Because, helping means stepping into a situation that, while it puts good out there, also often comes with strife and drama.  That is, of course, the best case scenario.  It has regularly been my experience that trying to put good out there often comes with bad coming back to me.  Attacks, hostility, rudeness. Too often it feels like you're being consumed and discarded like something disposable.  

Working in what is sometimes called a "helping" profession in the world today often feels like you're wasting your time. That nothing you're doing is of value to anyone or anything.  All too often it feels like I have become a service or a consumable product, that I should never have any kind of needs, that I don't have the right to complain or address issues.  "You picked this career" some people say, as if they didn't also pick a career and then complain about it all the time.  

So, what does one do when they feel worthless, and feel that everything they do that's good, doesn't bring good back, but brings hate and strife to land on your doorstep?  How can you maintain a positive outlook when time, after time, after time, after time, you've been shit on? I want to believe in putting good in the world will bring good around.  That to save a life will save the world in time. That the long game is where we need to be playing, and ignoring the short term.  Of course there is the negativity bias, and those negative interactions are clearly outweighing in ones mind the good experiences.  Psychologists say it takes somewhere around five good experiences to outweigh a negative one.  The problem is, there's a plethora of  negative, while there is extreme scarcity in the good.  The negativity bias debt is hard to overcome.

I'm not sure where to go from here, but the events of the past week have been disheartening. 

Goals Update #4 - April

Spring is here, spring is here!  It's May, so it's time for another check in.

Goal Number One - Read 12 books: We just keep it going with the books.  Four months down and four books read.  This month I got a book on Becky's recommendation and because they were turning it into a Netflix movie, so I had to read it before the movie came out, and mission accomplished because it'll be out later this month. I liked it a lot, and go through it very quickly.  I've actually started another book that Becky bought for me, but it's the end of the year and focusing on reading during lunch is hard and I haven't been grabbed by this one.  We'll keep working at it.  So far this is what I have: 

1. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood (311 pages)
2. The Impossible Fortune by Richard Osman (368 pages)
3. Murder by Cheesecake: A Golden Girls Cozy Mystery by Rachel Ekstrom Courage (336 pages)
4. Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt (384 pages)

Goal Number Two - Complete my 5k training program: This month I did one run, but then didn't go back to it.  But as I've been saying, it's not something that has to be done right now. 

Goal Number Three - Blog more:  It's been a month, so missing that goal still.  I'm just going to have to go back to daily blogging in the summer to hit the goal of once a week (on average).  

Goal Number Four - Focus on fitness by hitting 10,000 steps a day average for the year: Again there was improvement this month, but still below my goal of 10,000.  But if I can keep it growing then by the end of the year we might be able to hit the daily 10,000 goal and recover from the lower averages at the beginning of the month.  

1. January average: 8,966
2. February average: 6,635
3. March average: 7,478
4. April average: 7,561

Goal Number Five - Improve my social calendar: For April we were able to hit at least two social engagements, we got invited over for a dinner, and then had two friends over for dinner.  I think we need more game night or just cheeseboard hanging out and talking kind of nights.  Something to think about, I guess. 

Goal Number Six - Usable media memories:  Nothing this month about this.

Goal Number Seven - Have seven new experiences:  Well, in April we got one heck of a new experience, because on April 1, we just happened to be in Florida and got to witness the launch of Artemis II from about 10 miles from the launch.  We heard the roar, we saw the windows of the McDonald's we were standing in front of (shut up, yes we were in the front yard of a McDonald's).  It was a freaking experience and I loved it so much.  The traffic on the way home was horrible, but even so it was well worth the inconvenience. Definitely a top tier life experience. 

1. Saw Artemis II launch to the moon! 

And for your viewing pleasure, pictures:

    

Photos: 1 - Prelaunch; 2-4 - Launch; 5 - booster separation

On to May!

Goals Update #3 - March

It's April! 

Goal Number One - Read 12 books: Another month, another book. I got a silly book at Literati a while back when we had a day off and took Sal to bum around in Ann Arbor.  It's basically fanfic of the Golden Girls but they're trying to solve a mysterious murder.  It was pretty silly, and also wasn't really something where you could figure out exactly who was behind it all because there weren't really any good clues.  There were also a few points where it wasn't authentically Golden Girls in some of the dialogue.  But it was fine, and it was another book down.

1. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood (311 pages)
2. The Impossible Fortune by Richard Osman (368 pages)
3. Murder by Cheesecake: A Golden Girls Cozy Mystery by Rachel Ekstrom Courage (336 pages)

Goal Number Two - Complete my 5k training program: This is still not something that I am focused on at the moment.  I'm thinking maybe in the summer when things are not so tight in terms of the schedule.  It's fine because there's still plenty of time in the year to hit the goal.  I've considered if I should sign up for a 5k just to help motivate.  I've only done one, and that was the pumpkin one.  It was pretty fun. 

Goal Number Three - Blog more:  It's not really happening at the. moment.  I mean, I guess I've had a number of posts this year, but my goal here was that I'd do one a week and it's falling far under.  I suppose I could do more than one a week to catch up and make it average to one a week?  Flexibility, right?  We'll see. 

Goal Number Four - Focus on fitness by hitting 10,000 steps a day average for the year: After last months hugely disappointing numbers, this month was better, but still below my January and under my goal.  But, improvement is improvement.  

1. January average: 8,966
2. February average: 6,635
3. March average: 7,478

Goal Number Five - Improve my social calendar: For March we again I had two events.  A nice hosted dinner, and then a jazz night out, though the jazz was a bit underwhelming.  But it was still a thing.

Goal Number Six - Usable media memories:  As of right now, nothing usable, but I'm looking at how to go through all of my media and get things organized so that I can use them.

Goal Number Seven - Have seven new experiences:  Still not that much going on here. I did finish season 1 of the original series of Star Trek, but I haven't really done anything new or exciting.  I do know I've got a thing in Atlanta this summer, so that will be something.

Three months down.

Goals Update #2 - February

Well, we've made it to March, I've heard that there will be madness. I won't be involved in that, but I will be involved in checking in on my goals. 

Goal Number One - Read 12 books: Reading went fine for February too, I've hit one book per month, which should make getting to my goal of 12 possible if I can keep it up.  It would also be good if I could surpass that goal and get back into my reading like I did in the past. Might have to do more reading in the summer to bump it up. So far, my two books are:

1. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood (311 pages)
2. The Impossible Fortune by Richard Osman (368 pages)

Goal Number Two - Complete my 5k training program: This was not something that I focused on at all during February.  But that's ok, because it's not something that has to be done right now.  The entire program is six or eight weeks, so there is still time, and as I said after January, with play rehearsals I'm not keen on trying this while I'm working 12 hours a day (soon to be more as opening night approaches). 

Goal Number Three - Blog more:  It's easy to make it one month, but February didn't go as well.  But I'm going to catch up with some retroactive blogs that I do.  I've got three posts to catch up on. 

Goal Number Four - Focus on fitness by hitting 10,000 steps a day average for the year: It was a big miss on this one.  My average for the month was significantly lower than it was for January.  But, lets hope that February was the low-water mark.

1. January average: 8,966
2. February average: 6,635

Goal Number Five - Improve my social calendar: For February we did have two events, just a little game night and a friend over for dinner, but that's all we needed, two events. 

Goal Number Six - Usable media memories:  I do not have any new updates on this one at the moment.  I also won't have much to do for next month either because theatre season is really hard to find time for anything else.

Goal Number Seven - Have seven new experiences:  February didn't have much going on out of the ordinary, so I don't really have anything for this one.  I've continued my watching of the original Star Trek, so maybe when I finish season one I'll put it on the list and then updated it as I go through the seasons.  I don't know if it's quite the experience one might thing for this goal, but it's something I've never done and something I like so it's fine.  Plus it's my goal so who am I even arguing with? Some ghostly blog reader in my mind? 

Two months down.